Idiocy and an Eggplant (or 2)

(Recipe below)

Well, as said, today is another day, and a much better one at that!

Had a much healthier outlook on life today. I basically stopped being an idiot. I lay in bed last night thinking about all my friends that are having a thoroughly shit time of it at the minute. Some of my friends are having to pretty much start their lives over, everything they knew has had to change. Some people have also recently changed their lives deliberately and are having a really crap time dealing with it. Their problems are so much more than this and they are coping with it with such courage, confidence and with a (sometimes forced) smile on their face. And I was stood mesmerised by bloody chocolate Santa's because I want one more than I should! I was reduced to a jibbering wreck over food!!!! How ridiculous.

I have to maintain my positive mental attitude! The new year started well and yeserday was my first glitch, but I didn't do anything!! I stood my ground, and despite feeling low I did it! But to be honest, it's not really a major challenge, all things considered.


I am off to Newcastle this weekend to see my lovely Cie (http://secondhandshopper.wordpress.com/) tomorrow after school. Only the four bloody hours on the motorway! She's one of my friends thats having a crap time. Without going into too much detail, just before christmas she was faced with the prospect of having to leave her flat, having to quit her job, having to find somewhere new to live, all on her own. The way she has coped with all these issues, and more, over the last few weeks, has been incredible. Yes shes found it hard, but it is all so admirable. I wish I had even half of her motivation and confidence. I am so proud of her and so happy she is such a good friend of mine.

When I spoke to her this evening, she was so upbeat that it shamed me slightly. Pretty much everything in my life is pretty good. I have a wonderful boyfriend, a good set of close friends, a loving family, a house, a good job, great potential job prospects in the future, money (although not much), I do pretty much whatever I like and I'm on the internet winging about the fact that I can't control what I eat. Im quite cross with myself. But I'm sure I will get over it far quicker than I should.

Calorie count today is around 1200 again - with a small bag of malteasers thrown in!!! One of the kids at school bought them for me! How lovely!

Much shorter walk tonight, just a couple of laps around the block, but enough to know I'd actually got off my lazy fat arse!

Tonight, I am going to give you my very simple Thai Green Curry Recipe:-

Thai Green Curry

(serves 2)

1 white onion - or shallots

2 chicken breasts, or a carton of king prawns

2 large spoons of Thai Green paste - see jar (My favourite, strangely enough, is Tesco's own. I have used many and this one has the best balance of flavour)

1 Tbspn light soy sauce

1 tbspn fish sauce

1 dessert spoon lime juice

1 tsp sugar

1/2 tin of low fat coconut milk (about 200ml)

3 -4 small egg plant (I get mine from the chinese market in town, they roughly plum sized)

several baby egg plant (again, from the chinese market, they look like peas on a twig!)

small, dried red chillis (usually about 3).

1. Heat the chopped onions in a wok or frying pan with a teaspoon of oil.

2. Add the chicken and brown slightly.

3. put in the paste and stir to coat all ingredients. Leave to cook for a minute or two.

4. Add the soy and fish sauce, lime juice, sugar and coconut milk. Stir well.

5. Slice the baby egg plant and add with the baby egg plant to the curry.

6. allow to simmer for a while. Towards the end of cooking, throw in the dried chillis just to add a little extra spice and colour! If using prawns, add now and allow to warm through.

Nice and easy, but gorgeous! I also adapt this slightly for soup. I would use the whole tin of coconut milk and add about the same of water. I would also add in some kaffir lime leaves. I don't usually include meat when I make soup, but I still eat it with rice! Yummm!!

Might not be able to blog again until next week so will miss putting up my weekly weight on Saturday! Fingers crossed its gone well and I will post it asap!

Have a lovely Friday!

Nx

Vertebrae not Included. (But recipes are)

(recipe included, read past the waffle)

Hmph. Bad day. Feel completely useless and totally self conscious today. Erika and I were going to go to ceroc classes tonight. I have never in my life done anything like it, and I was so excited about going. Obviously I was terrified as well, but really really looking forward to it.

Anyway, as the day has gone on the more aware of myself I became. In the end I couldn't face the idea of coming face to face with a complete stranger feeling as huge as I did. There was no way was ready for such kind of socialising. I used to be such a confident person when out, but now I crave being comfortable and not in a place where any attention could be put on me. The idea of someone touching me when I am not comfortable in my own skin, appalled me. I couldn't do it, I paniked, I chickened out.

I now feel horribly guilty for letting Erika down. I hate letting people down. I feel ashamed that I have let myself get to such a point where my confidence is in such shreads. I know I would love the ceroc classes, I have always wanted to be able to dance. I know next week is another week and hopefully I will have the guts to go. I just wish I wasn't this pathetic!

I had to go to the book shop for something for school (which frustratingly wasn't there) this evening and I was kind of wandering around in a daze. I had wanted to stop the car soooooooooo much between school and there and buy chocolate and crisps and sweets and biscuits and pork scratchings and anything disgustingly dripping in fat and calories and everything thats wrong for me. Walking round the shop was hard. I believe I spent near on 10 minutes just staring at the half price chocolate santas, daring myself to pick one up. I managed to chicken out of that too! I swear, had I stood there much longer, the mery little foil covered santas would have stared singing to me. I felt delirious. I felt . . . . I felt sad. I was so desperate to eat . . . . something, anything! But I didn't. and I should be proud of that. Because had I started eating something like the chocolate santa, I wouldn't have stopped, I would have had to have had more. No portion control. I cannot lose control again. I terrifies me that it's possible. I should be happy that I fought the urge, but I don't. I feel like I'm empty because at the moment I don't have the strength just to have a little, just to have enough. Its either nothing at all, or a disgusting, gut wrenching, pig making amount.

Since, I have come home, wrapped up in a thick woolen cardy and plonked myself on the setee. At the very least I should go for my walk tonight (have been doing about a mile march each night! Go me!) but I really can't be arsed. However, it's nights like this I really need to kick myself outside and just bloody do it, stop being crap, just sort myself out!

I have cooked a very healthy tea though tonight - Low fat chicken Saag. I love curry, and more to the point I love Saag!! I have added the recipe below. Now, I cook by tasting so I have tried to approximate the amounts, bt they may be ever so slightly out, sorry!

Low Fat Chicken Saag (Nat's Version)

couple tablespoons of yoghurt

2 chicken breasts

tsp mild chili powder

tsp powdered ginger

tsp smoked paprika

tsp cumin

tsp tumeric

salt and pepper

half a lemon

cumin seeds

corriander seeds

1 white onion

2 cloves of garlic

1 red pepper

6 blocks of frozen spinach (any reputable supermarket freezer department!)

1 tin of chopped tomatoes

dried/crushed chilli

1. mix the spices with the yoghurt and juice of half a lemon.

2. Add the chopped chicken and leave for as long as possible. The chicken is the most calorific part of this recipe so the leaner the chicken, the lower the calorie count.

3. Sprinkle a couple of pinches of cumin and corriander seeds into the wok or frying pan, heat.

4. Toss the seeds occaisionally, waiting for them to brown slightly.

5. Add the chopped onion and a teaspoon of oil (just so it doesn't stick too much, so this might not be necessary if you have a really good pan)

6. add the crushed/grated garlic when onions starting to brown.

7. When softend, turn up the heat and add the chicken, turning often.

8. whe almost cooked through, add the tomatoes, pepper and spinach blocks. (for the spinach, tesco's for once does not seem to do it best. the fozen spinach from tesco are in whole leaves. Sainsbury's however do chopped frozen spinach cubes which are much better for this recipe.)

9. add a sprinkling of crushed chilli and stri in.

10. Allow to bubble and reduce. I always add extra spices at this point, plenty cumin and ginger (often use grated fresh ginger here instead of powder - i keep mine in the freezer). Also some salt and pepper.

11. Always taste and add in any extra of the spices you like.

I often do this without yoghurt and corriander seeds which I personally prefer.

If using Lamb, also add some cardamon pods at the yoghurt stage and leave longer before cooking.

I was a little cheeky tonight as I have had half a nann bread as well!

Today's calroie count is around 1200. I haven't been for my walk yet but maybe I will muster up the courage in a little while!

Take care,

Nx