Face masks and Fancies.

Heeheehee! These are a few pics from our girlie pamper day. This was my replacement reward for losing half a stone! The original plan was to book in for a spa type day - then we realised we were broke! It was also a distraction technique for Caroline, which worked up until having one too many glasses of pink! Tears did flow from the both of us - I think not long after the above piccy was taken!

Well, Ellie, you did us proud my love! You know the sign of a good afternoon when your actual plans go completely out of the window in place of goo conversation, good wine and wonderful humous and carrot sticks!! (Also a clear sign I am enjoying this healthy eating mallarky!). We managed to get a face pack on each before realising we were actually meant to meeting the boys! But it made for some interesting picturs for facebook etc!

The best bit was fitting into my gorgeous black and white dress! Apart from the fact that my boobs no longer fill the top! Seriously need some new underwear now - this weight loss is going to cost me a small fortune!

Well, my next reward is on its way - this morning the scales read 12.1 !!!!!!!!!! I HAVE LOST A STONE!!!!! and with very little effort over the last couple of weeks! I am soooooooooooooo happy! Still too exhausted to get myself out for a stroll this evening, think this virus has kicked me more than I thought.

So, I have warned Steve that we are going to get all dolled up and go for a lovely meal, just the two of us! Soooooooooooo excited, hopefully soon I will have a little more energy and get myself out walking again - after all, another half stone and I get to go and spend all my clothes vouchers, wonder if I can make it to coincide with Easter holidays?!! Yey!

Flowers? . . . For me?!!

Just to show how much I love Daffodils, I wanted to share the piccies of my flowers. Caroline bought me a lovely bunch on Friday night which just look wonderful in my kitchen. Steve bought me much daintier ones, but sooooooo pretty. Daffs are such happy flowers, they radiate sunshine and smiles. And they are cheap!! I challenge anyone not to see the beauty in these simple flowers. Such a simple pleasure in life that brings so much joy!

Naked Twister in Rio

Trust is a funny old thing. Take Steve; I trust him completely, whole heartedly and without question. When Caroline came to stay with us for a while before Christmas, Steve went out with his old work colleagues. "I'll be home for 7 . . . 8 at the latest," he had assured me. I wasn't particularly bothered when he wasn't home when I went to bed at 1.30am. I knew he was at Kath and Rich's.

He apparently came in about 2, promptly sat on Carloine on the sofa and fell asleep, full length on top of her while watching Pride and Prejudice. Around 5 he woke up and came to bed - I didn't even stir. I joked in the morning that it was a good job I trusted him, not many women would be happy about their other half falling asleep atop another woman!

Tonight he was entering a poker tournament, the winning prize: a trip for two to Rio. The trip however was in term time and while dreaming over his potential winnings said he would take Caroline. This again, I have no issue with, even when he was saying he would like to take her to Rio and play naked twister with her! Steve is not a perve, he likes to say these things to gauge my reactions I think!! It made me giggle, it made Caoline wince a little I think when I told her, mainly as she has had an aversion to twister since childhood! Some bad, naked experience as a teenager? Guess that one had been supressed as deeply as she could!

Anyway, I trust Steve entirely. I trust Caroline with my life. I trust that certain things in life will be as they should. I trust that if you are a good person, good things will happen in your life. I trust that if you love, you will be loved in return. However, I am not very good at trusting myself.

I don't trust my intelligence. This evening I burst into tears while Steve was teaching me a new card game. I didn't grow up playing what I would class as 'intelligent' games, and whenever faced with something that I feel is beyond my intelligence I panic. For some reason card games are part of this - I like snap! I know this may sound daft to people but I do doubt myself on a seemingly hourly basis.

I don't trust myself to buy a box of chocolates and not eat the entire lot in 5 minutes. I don't trust myself to eat sensibly when cooking for one. I don't trust myself to actually take care of my body. I don't trust myself to see through something that is dificult. I don't trust myself to have the motivation to continue with this life change.

But I am learning and I am gradually getting better. My confidence is growing, but any slight draw back will necessitate a total rebuild. I don't know if I have always been like this or if it is something I have developed as an adult. There are so many things that I genuinely believe I can't do. I can't take compliments, I don't do too well with praise - why? I dunno.

Ive started to believe it is all linked to how I feel about my body. The bigger I am the less confidence and trust I have in any part of my life. So this positive change is bound to help, and hopefully, well I think ineviatbly, I will be able to take on anything!

As for Steve's winnings? Well, Rio will have to wait. There might be some room for naked twister though.

Night.

Nx

Vertically Challenged

Fun was definitly had this weekend in Newcastle, food was relatively healthy, however, I do think Ernest and Jullio have not helped with the losing of weight over the last 48 hours! However, a little rose and a little bubbles was much needed as I went ot help Cie pack some of her stuff.

I have attached a couple fo pics from last night in my favourite dress and coat. They always make me feel so good about myself, and I felt good in my own skin last night. The coat, however, is still a little tight as you can see, but I didn't care! I even think I look ok in the photies, and I know exactly what people will say, "What are you wanting to lose weight for, you look ok?" But I don't underneath. I am 2 stone heavier than I wish to be, my stomach goes out from underneath my boobs!! It is not a good look.
A similar argument people say to me when informed of my 13 stone, is "But you're tall, it's ok!" Yes, ok, I am nearly 5'9", ok yes, if I was 5'4" then we would be facing a different problem, ok yes, I am taller than some people including 4 out of 5 male colleagues, ok yes, as Elena says, I carry a lot of my weight on my boobs, but height cannot be an excuse to keep eating! If you are not happy about how you look it doesn't matter a damn about your height. I love being tall and will mostly choose to wear heels as well, but if my stomach is arching outwards, making me slightly larger than some pregnant women, there is not a pair of shoes high enough to make me feel good about how I look.

But I did feel good about how I looked last night, and with caroline in her gorgeouse red tulip dress, we set out for the Flat Bread Cafe. This is a new restaurant in newcastle which apparently has plans to role out over the rest of the UK. It was incredible. They have an eclectic menu of dishes from peru, morocco and various other places. You chose three, along with your flatbread and you just tuck in. So between us we had six incredible dishes including turkey tagine, jerk fish, a monkfish dish, all beautifully cooked. We poured a glass of rose each and then part way through the meal Cie pointed out we hadn't even touched the wine. that is a sign of the kind of people we are, we are foody people, and the scientific analysis of our food (trying to work out what ingredients were used) had prevented us from taking a single sip of the pink stuff. If you are ever in the toon you must hunt it out, I forget where exactly it is, down some cobbledy street, but keep a look out for it!

So, I haven't kept a count of the calories for the last couple of days, but I have been strict on myself. I am very nervous about tomorrow as I am going to get on the scales again and see what has happened to me since last Saturday. I am looking forward to it but very scared in case the expected doesnt occur.

Fingers crossed!

Nx

Prostitutes Can't Read (and other sweeping generalisations)

Yes, this was actually said by Erika on Thursday morning! Basically she had decided to wear a dress for school. As I pick her up from the train station in the morning, she has to stand on the street corner, so, as she wished not to be confused with a prostitute (because you can at 7 in the morning whilst wearing a trenchcoat and shoulder bag) she decided to read her book. This however did not prevent an old man parking up along the street to wolf whistle her!!

When collected, she informed me that by reading a book it would differentiate between prositute and someone who is waiting for a lift as, "Prostitutes Can't Read." High level prostitutes or 'escorts' can only read The Sun! This made me giggle quite a lot!

Anyway, my reason for mentioning this is that I was totally impressed with her fashion choice of the day. I always envy people who wear dresses to work - Cie wore an evening dress to her job the other day just because she could!! I would love to be able to wear dresses to work. I wore one once - a black 1950s style, sleevless shirt dress that I wore with a short turquoise cardigan. I felt fabulous in the dress. But when a colleague looked me up and down in the derogatory manner in which only a woman can, I never wore it again.

I would love to have the confidence to wear slightly unusual things for work and not give a stuff about what 'they' think. After Erika's outfit (which she looked so gorgeous in with ankle strap high heels), and Caroline's constant flambouyant work attire (let's face it, it's far more flambouyant than anything I own!) I thought I might get myself a dress when I lost a few more pounds.

Then, yesterday - and this excited me - I could suck my stomach in again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is a BIG deal!! I could also feel that my waist was feeling a little tighter. Caroline said she could tell I had lost weight already and was looking better than when she saw me last. This caused me to bounce around her bedroom and hug her repeatedly - it made me feel so good! Cie, in fits of giggles watching me, said she liked how my boobs jiggled when I bounced as hers didn't do that! I meerly pointed out that my where holding more weight than hers! Hopefully not for long!

Anyway, so with the whole dress thing and the feeling much better about how I looked already, I decided that today in Newcastle I would find myself a dress for work! Yipee! I thought. Only to remember why I hated clothes shopping in January. The shops, resembling an oversized jumble sale, are too full of people and the clothes that you find are either in a size 10 or 22. Neither of which fit Caroline or I. I very quickly gave up.

However, I refuse to give up on the idea of expanding my wardrobe, to find an eclectic fashion sense, to feel confident in what I'm wearing and not to give a rat's ass what anyone else might think! With pro-active behaviour comes confidence, with confidence comes happiness, with happiness comes the will to do great things!

Have a lovely weekend,

Nx

Idiocy and an Eggplant (or 2)

(Recipe below)

Well, as said, today is another day, and a much better one at that!

Had a much healthier outlook on life today. I basically stopped being an idiot. I lay in bed last night thinking about all my friends that are having a thoroughly shit time of it at the minute. Some of my friends are having to pretty much start their lives over, everything they knew has had to change. Some people have also recently changed their lives deliberately and are having a really crap time dealing with it. Their problems are so much more than this and they are coping with it with such courage, confidence and with a (sometimes forced) smile on their face. And I was stood mesmerised by bloody chocolate Santa's because I want one more than I should! I was reduced to a jibbering wreck over food!!!! How ridiculous.

I have to maintain my positive mental attitude! The new year started well and yeserday was my first glitch, but I didn't do anything!! I stood my ground, and despite feeling low I did it! But to be honest, it's not really a major challenge, all things considered.


I am off to Newcastle this weekend to see my lovely Cie (http://secondhandshopper.wordpress.com/) tomorrow after school. Only the four bloody hours on the motorway! She's one of my friends thats having a crap time. Without going into too much detail, just before christmas she was faced with the prospect of having to leave her flat, having to quit her job, having to find somewhere new to live, all on her own. The way she has coped with all these issues, and more, over the last few weeks, has been incredible. Yes shes found it hard, but it is all so admirable. I wish I had even half of her motivation and confidence. I am so proud of her and so happy she is such a good friend of mine.

When I spoke to her this evening, she was so upbeat that it shamed me slightly. Pretty much everything in my life is pretty good. I have a wonderful boyfriend, a good set of close friends, a loving family, a house, a good job, great potential job prospects in the future, money (although not much), I do pretty much whatever I like and I'm on the internet winging about the fact that I can't control what I eat. Im quite cross with myself. But I'm sure I will get over it far quicker than I should.

Calorie count today is around 1200 again - with a small bag of malteasers thrown in!!! One of the kids at school bought them for me! How lovely!

Much shorter walk tonight, just a couple of laps around the block, but enough to know I'd actually got off my lazy fat arse!

Tonight, I am going to give you my very simple Thai Green Curry Recipe:-

Thai Green Curry

(serves 2)

1 white onion - or shallots

2 chicken breasts, or a carton of king prawns

2 large spoons of Thai Green paste - see jar (My favourite, strangely enough, is Tesco's own. I have used many and this one has the best balance of flavour)

1 Tbspn light soy sauce

1 tbspn fish sauce

1 dessert spoon lime juice

1 tsp sugar

1/2 tin of low fat coconut milk (about 200ml)

3 -4 small egg plant (I get mine from the chinese market in town, they roughly plum sized)

several baby egg plant (again, from the chinese market, they look like peas on a twig!)

small, dried red chillis (usually about 3).

1. Heat the chopped onions in a wok or frying pan with a teaspoon of oil.

2. Add the chicken and brown slightly.

3. put in the paste and stir to coat all ingredients. Leave to cook for a minute or two.

4. Add the soy and fish sauce, lime juice, sugar and coconut milk. Stir well.

5. Slice the baby egg plant and add with the baby egg plant to the curry.

6. allow to simmer for a while. Towards the end of cooking, throw in the dried chillis just to add a little extra spice and colour! If using prawns, add now and allow to warm through.

Nice and easy, but gorgeous! I also adapt this slightly for soup. I would use the whole tin of coconut milk and add about the same of water. I would also add in some kaffir lime leaves. I don't usually include meat when I make soup, but I still eat it with rice! Yummm!!

Might not be able to blog again until next week so will miss putting up my weekly weight on Saturday! Fingers crossed its gone well and I will post it asap!

Have a lovely Friday!

Nx