Back from the dead and back on the wagon.

Serious apologies for no blogs for the last couple of weeks, this has been for a number of reasons.

Firstly, I've been, and still am, poorly sick. Had to take a couple of days off work last week as I wasnt functionning at all. Stayed in bed the monday, went home early on the tuesday, had to have a lie down in the staffroom for an hour on wednesday, and after breaking down crying on various members of staff in various corners of the school on thursday, I decided I needed to stay in bed on Friday! I am feeling a little better, but having put myself so far behind with work, think I have done a little too much, too soon. Now shattered again!

Thats why I am now lying in bed, once more reflecting on life.

I realised, as well as being told by steve, that my blog had lost its point. As much as I enjoy waffling crap about all aspects of love and life, I realised it had lost its essence. As had I. I have been feeling sapped (partly because of this virus) but of the goal I was striving towards. I had stopped thinking about food. Deliberately? I think so. Half term was my break, but I didn't go back. I started slipping. I stopped using my book, I stopped thinking about what was going into my food and my body, I stopped walking.

I knew I had to reboot myself - I could feel my emotions becoming irrational agian, feel my life spirit slowly ebbing away again. NO! This is NOT going to happen! So at weekend I remounted the scales - my weight has stayed constant for 2 weeks!!!! With not eating particularly well as all I want to eat is crap when I am ill, and with slobbing about I have somehow managed to stay the same weight. This is a first! So something must be working. I must be controlling my food and calories more than I realised. OK I haven't lost anymore weight in a few weeks, but at least I now know I can maintain a weight.

So, here we go again - back to thinking about food, and enjoying what I love. Not fixating on it to the point where it stresses me, but losing that extra stone! I was going to go for a walk this eveing while steve watched the football, but I feel the muscles in my face falling apart - if you do not know me, do not be alarmed! When I am ill or exhausted I am unable to control the muscles in my face, and everything literally drops, at the moment I can't really open my right eye for very long. So I decided to come to bed, quickly write this and have an early night - determined not to kill myself. Besides, friends of ours are getting married at the weekend and I want to be well enough to look fabulous and thinner in my pretty green dress!! So vain!

So todays weight is 12 stone 3 - bearing in mind this is the evening, it bodes well for the morning! I haven't calculated calories in a long time, I start this again tomorrow, it makes me stricter with my food - I actually care! The fact that I stopped writing everything down meant I stopped thinking. I often think I do such things like this because I am execting to fail. Its almost as if I plan to fail before I accidentally fail - so I am in control. I don't know if that makes sense? Its almost like a self preservation thing, a self destruct button.

Anyhoo, this evenings dinner was lovely - and back to good old healthy stuff. Firstly a morccan veg couscous. Onion, garlic, pepper, grated carrot, mushrooms and greens, cooked down with a splash of cider vinegar, salt, pepper, splash of lemon juice, moroccan spice (some jar we picked up) and some water. This was cooked until tender then removing the lid, allowed to evaporate. I just use Tesco cous-cous packets and the moroccan one is particularly good. I cooked this separately then added to the veg just before serving so that it didnt go too soggy and gloopy - there is nothing worse than gloopy cous-cous!
On top of this a had a tuna steak. Having splashed it with lime juice and soy sauce, then srinkled with black pepper and chili before making the cous-cous, I flash fried it in a dry pan, similar to how you would cook steak. Ok, I left it for a little bit too long, but my it was goooooooooooooooood!

Hope I feel better in the morning, and wake up with a sense of maintenance. This is proving quite hard to keep up, just because my motivation and will power are both quite weak. It takes very little to knock it. Most of my positive emotions take very little to knock. I don't know why. I think its pathetic that I need so much encouragement and assurance from people throughout my life, in various aspects. I wish I was a stronger person in my own mind. for a little while I was, and it was the food that was doing it.

I just have to get reaquainted with a very good friend.

Hope you are all well. and hope someone is still reading.

Nx

Love and Obsessions

Happy Valentines to one and all!

I know, I know, I know, it's a commerical crock of a day. Its an excuse for card companies to make millions following the post christmas lull. Its a reason for single people to be angry - I was one of those people for far too long.

Growing up, I didn't have boyfriends, not really. There were people I fancied and obsessed about as a teenager - those boys know precisely who they are, subtlety was not my forte! I apologise for my slight stalkerish tendancies! I remember getting a few cards, one year I got a huge bunch of flowers from a strange, penfold-like man who I had met for an hour, two weeks previous - weird. Essentially, Valentines was something that kinda passed me by, apart from those two occaisions in my pre-twenteens.

The first Valentines day I had with a boyfriend was tainted by arguements as I couldn't understand why he would rather go to a 'traffic lights' social at univeristy rather than spend the night with me, his girlfriend. I soon found out as three days later he broke up with me! Apparently wanting to spend time with him was just out of order - I was such a bitch!! Im sure one day I will be cruel enough to publish the 'toothpaste day' about this boy as his cumuppance, but tonight I am in a good mood, I have eaten lots of food!!

So anyway, I am basically still a thirteen year old girl when it comes to Valentine's day, I like to give cheesy cards and I like to get them. I also use it as an excuse to cook!! Valentine's day becomes less about me declaring my love to those around me, but declaring my undying devotion to the one thing that will never leave me; food! I also like to spoil Steve, who did very well this year! Steve 'disagrees' with cards, I have never been given a card for any occaision from Steve. This year in fact was the first year I had christmas presents wrapped in wrapping paper, not random plastic bags he found under the sink! So when I was not only presented with a single red rose, TWO bunches of daffodills (my absolute favourite flowers), a smile and a pink envelope, I was completely over the moon!! Ok, he had already told me that the card was from Card Factory and cost him 30p, ok the envelope blatantly belonged to another card which had obviously been abandonned on another rack, but he had actually bought me a card! I really was happier than when he bought me my silver necklace last year!

But my spoiling today was wonderful! I spoilt myself rotten, and my boy! I like feeding him my creations and seeing his reactions. Tonight I produced a three course dinner, setting the coffee table in a silver service style fashion (one day I will have a dining table - I can dream), and chilling a Jacobs Creek pink bubbly, to really mark the occasision!

Starters - very simple prawn cocktail with homemade marie-rose: Equal parts double craem and mayonnaise (good full fat mayonnaise, only Helmans will do), a squeeze or two of lemon juice and a good squirt of heinz tomato ketchup!

Mains (and I was very proud of this) - Pan fried Duck with pomegranate sauce and celeriac mash. I had never eaten celeriac before, but all the recent duck recipes suggest placing your cut duck pieces on a bed of celeriac, so I did and its actually very nice. After boiling down, I mashed with plenty proper butter and some fresh chopped corriander. The duck was pan fried in butter, skin side down, until beautifully golden, then placed onto a roasting rack in the top of the oven. The sauce, I have to say, was a triumph. After removing the fat from the duck pan, I added some more butter and shallots. I then added equal parts chicken stock and pomegranate juice, a good sprinkling of dried juniper berries and dried pomegranate seeds and salt. This was allowed to reduce while we ate the very 1970s style prawn cocktail (served in a high wine glass), so that the sauce was good and sticky when time to serve. Adding my favourite roast potatoes, carrots and green beans, it was a feats to behold. Steve even said it would rival a restraunt's duck dish - high praise indeed!

Dessert- nearly killed us - Vanilla chocolate Creams. I did make quite a lot, in fact there is enough left for maybe two more desserts each! A cream based, two layered, set dessert that is wonderfully rich!

Vanilla Chocolate Creams

450ml double Cream

Vanilla pod

6 tbspn castor sugar

200ml creme fraiche

3 tbspn water

2 tsp powdered gelatine

50g chocolate (think I actually used more like 75g of dark, continental chocolate)

* Put cream, sugar and split vanilla pod into a pan, heat gently and stir constantly until the sugar has dissolved. Bring to the boil then allow to simmer for 2-3 minutes.

* Take off the heat. Remove vanilla pod and stir in creme fraiche.

* Put gelatine in the water (in a different bowl) and allow to go spongy. Heat the water/gelatine in a bowl over hot water (bains marie?) and stir until dissolved.

* Add gelatine to cream mix and stir well.

* Separate cream mix into two equal portions.

* Melt chocolate in a bowl over hot water, then add to one half of the cream mix. Stir well. Pour this mixture into 4 ramekins - I put it into 2 glasses, WAY too much!! Place into fridge to cool for 20 minutes. Leave remainning vanilla cream mix at room temperature.

* When chocolate cream has set, spoon over the reaminning vanilla cream and return to fridge.

* When ready to serve, grate over some extra chocolate, or as I did, add a little grenache!

Diet went well and truly out of the window today! Do I care?! Not in the slightest as I celebrated the greatest love of all - creating dishes I have carefully, lovingly prepared, and have someone (other than me) appreciate and enjoy it. Life to me doesn't get much better than this!

Hope you all had a wonderful day, no matter what.

Nx

Comforting Memories - with lots of gravy!

What exactly IS comfort food?

I was just browsing through my chosen homepage of BBC Good Food and decided to have a quick look at their 'top 5s' list. At the bottom of their page they simply list 5 dishes, such as top 5 desserts, top 5 starters, top 5 comfort food dishes. The list, in no particular order, goes as follows:-

Steak and Kidney pie - my god yes!! There is nothing more lush than a rich gravied steak and kidney (must have the kidney) with a round of golden, crisp, puff pastry on top. Definitly a comfort.

Braised lamb shanks - ok, not what I would choose, but certainly understandable. Good meaty dish.

Champ - ermmmm, milk, onions and potatoes? again, ok, understandable but no thank you.

Cheesy swiss bake - no. comfort food should not be pasta bake, come to that, the only cheese based food I would class a vaguely comfort food is cheese on toast.

Panetone pudding - No, no, no. How pretentious! Bread and butter pudding yes, but panetone? just not right.

So I thought I would think about my favourite comfort foods. To me, true comfort food - not binge food, is food that is warming, home cooked and gives cosy, satisfying memoreis of childhood. The kind of food that envokes a smell from a memory, that pictures a small child curled up infront of a real fire in winter, wrapping their hands around a hot cup of cocoa. Comfort food takes you to where you are safe, where you are happy, where your fondest memories hide. No wonder comfort food can be addictive. I causes you to feel emotions that maybe you thought were long past, to think of days you thought long forgotten, to make you smile.

For me, these memories, these foods, stem from my mum and grandma Gill. I used to love watching them both cook, loved the smells from their kitchens (ok, not my mum's when she made pea and ham soup - eugh) loved getting to lick out the mixing bowl when the baking was done. These women are to blame for my liking of proper, old fashioned, home cooked food!

1. Roast beef, yorkshire pudding, good roasties and lashings of gravy! Nothing better - steak and kidney pie is nearly there but not quite. My favourite way to do roasties is this: Heat some oil in a roasting pan (hot oven). Meanwhile, par-boil some maris pipers in salt water. Toss the potatoes around in a collander so the edges break up and throw straight into the sizling oil. Turn once during cooking and bake till golden - so very good.

2. The good ol' cheese on toast - a decent quality creamy lancashire on thick white bread - a dash of worcester sauce goes well too.

3. Jam Rolly Polly Pudding and Custard - a lovely thick suet pudding with oodles of home made custard. I have never been able - well never attempted - a jam rolly polly, but one day!

4. A northern chip shop's pudding chips and gravy - to be honest, only from the Little Chippy in Adlington. Proper northern food. While checking out pictures for tonights blog, I found this website - made me giggle a lot! http://www.liquidice.co.uk/food/chipsngravy.html and in the words of my deputy head "Northern Girls Love Gravy!" Its true.

5. Chocolate goo - of various forms. When I was little and my mum was having a crap day, we would melt down a large bar of galaxy chocolate and eat the whole lot with a bag of crisps each. May sound horrid, but seriously not. So good it should be illegal. You would think my mum a huge woman from this description, but shes one of the slightest women I know.

I would be intrigued to know what other people view as comfort food. For me, when I feel low, these foods are the only things that will do. Sadly, somewhere along the line, the idea of comfort food got fuzzy. The 'lowness' became a constant, and the food became somewhat of an addiction. I lost the line between occaisional indulgencies and indulgent occaisions. The latter became more and more regular. It has been some time since this began, and it is only now that I am learning to love the comfort foods of my childhood again, not abuse them.

Homey and Healthy?

I love my homey food. For all the thai, oriental and asian things I throw together, there is nothing more appetising, comforting and warming than something truly homey. I was thinking this today whilst eating my lunch time soup. Homemade soup this week - none of this heinz stuff (sorry heinz . . . . I still love you!). Roasted veg soup went as follows . . .

Roasted Veg Soup

1 sweet potato

3 parsnips

half a butternut squash

1 red onion

three good pinches of cumin seed

turmeric

smoked paprika

mild chili powder

honey

toasted sesame oil

2 pints chicken stock

1. Put chopped sweet potato and parsnips in one tin. sprinkle over the cumin seeds and a good sprinkling of turmeric - quite a thick layer.

2. Over the potatoe and parsnips squeeze a thin layer of honey.

3. In another tin put the chopped butternut squash and red onion. Sprinkle over a good layer of mild chili powder and smoked paprika, as well as a dribble of sesme oil.

4. Roast veg at the top of a very hot oven until edges of the veg start browning.

5. In a heavy sauce pan, boil the two pints of water, adding two chicken stock cubes.

6. when the veg is cooked, add everything to the stock. Use a couple of table spoons of stock in each backing tin to remove any veg and juices that may have stuck. Return this to the pan.

7. Simmer for a few minutes then use a hand blender to blitz.

8. Salt and pepper to taste.

Lovely, warming and homey.

I haven't done the calorie count for this soup, its obviously not the lowest with the oil and honey, but my god it tastes good. It serves about 6 portions and is all I need to see me through from lunch until tea time.

As for my tea . . . I got my teriyaki!! Ok it wasn't chicken, it wasn't as beautifully constructed, but I enjoyed it. Tonight I marinaded salmon fillets in the teriyaki, garlic and a little mirin (Japanese sweet vinegary thing - much lighter than rice vinegar but add a good sticky coat). With potatoes chopped up small (so it looks like you've got more!) roasted in the oven, crunchy carrots and green beans, and a healthier version of my favourite cabbage dish - it was just what the doctor ordered! Again, quite homey but with a twist - posh fish and chips!

However, if I could have my way, this is how I love to cook cabbage:- Cook down with butter and nutmeg; add some scaps of crispy bacon, maybe some pine nuts of bits of walnuts; a splodge of cream or creme fraiche and voila!! I love it! But not particularly healthy. Maybe I will save up my calorie count for this!! Heehee!

Nx

Lazy Chinese

Its amazing what you can russel up with seemingly nothing! We were meant to go to my beloved Tesco today, but as we were both being lazy, we didnt quite make it!

Anyway, I had a rummage around and created quite a nice dish, so I thought I would share it with you. All the ingredients were the last portions of things I had in the freezer, fridge, cupboard etc.

Chinesey Beef Stir Fry (serves 2)

1 packet of lean stir fry beef

3 tbspn soy sauce

1 tbspn red wine vinegar

1 tbspn honey

1tbspn hot water

lots of grated ginger - proably about a thumb's length

2 garlic cloves grated

dried chili

1 small red onion

4 shallots

3 chunks frozen spinach

hand full of frozen peas

1 small pak choi

100g uncooked rice

1. make a marinade with the soy sauce, vinegar, honey, water, ginger, garlic and chilli.

2. Stir the beef strips into the marinade and set aside.

3. Cook rice and chop veg.

4. Heat a teeny bit of oil in a wok and cook onion and shallots well.

5. Keep pan as hot as possible and throw in the beef strips and all the marinade.

6. After about 3 minutes, add the spinach, pak choi and peas.

7. Cook for 3 - 5 mins then serve with rice.

I really enjoyed it, might actually make that when I do have food. pray I go shopping tomorrow or I think we will be eating 'stock' soup for a week!! heehee!

Take care,

Nx

Idiocy and an Eggplant (or 2)

(Recipe below)

Well, as said, today is another day, and a much better one at that!

Had a much healthier outlook on life today. I basically stopped being an idiot. I lay in bed last night thinking about all my friends that are having a thoroughly shit time of it at the minute. Some of my friends are having to pretty much start their lives over, everything they knew has had to change. Some people have also recently changed their lives deliberately and are having a really crap time dealing with it. Their problems are so much more than this and they are coping with it with such courage, confidence and with a (sometimes forced) smile on their face. And I was stood mesmerised by bloody chocolate Santa's because I want one more than I should! I was reduced to a jibbering wreck over food!!!! How ridiculous.

I have to maintain my positive mental attitude! The new year started well and yeserday was my first glitch, but I didn't do anything!! I stood my ground, and despite feeling low I did it! But to be honest, it's not really a major challenge, all things considered.


I am off to Newcastle this weekend to see my lovely Cie (http://secondhandshopper.wordpress.com/) tomorrow after school. Only the four bloody hours on the motorway! She's one of my friends thats having a crap time. Without going into too much detail, just before christmas she was faced with the prospect of having to leave her flat, having to quit her job, having to find somewhere new to live, all on her own. The way she has coped with all these issues, and more, over the last few weeks, has been incredible. Yes shes found it hard, but it is all so admirable. I wish I had even half of her motivation and confidence. I am so proud of her and so happy she is such a good friend of mine.

When I spoke to her this evening, she was so upbeat that it shamed me slightly. Pretty much everything in my life is pretty good. I have a wonderful boyfriend, a good set of close friends, a loving family, a house, a good job, great potential job prospects in the future, money (although not much), I do pretty much whatever I like and I'm on the internet winging about the fact that I can't control what I eat. Im quite cross with myself. But I'm sure I will get over it far quicker than I should.

Calorie count today is around 1200 again - with a small bag of malteasers thrown in!!! One of the kids at school bought them for me! How lovely!

Much shorter walk tonight, just a couple of laps around the block, but enough to know I'd actually got off my lazy fat arse!

Tonight, I am going to give you my very simple Thai Green Curry Recipe:-

Thai Green Curry

(serves 2)

1 white onion - or shallots

2 chicken breasts, or a carton of king prawns

2 large spoons of Thai Green paste - see jar (My favourite, strangely enough, is Tesco's own. I have used many and this one has the best balance of flavour)

1 Tbspn light soy sauce

1 tbspn fish sauce

1 dessert spoon lime juice

1 tsp sugar

1/2 tin of low fat coconut milk (about 200ml)

3 -4 small egg plant (I get mine from the chinese market in town, they roughly plum sized)

several baby egg plant (again, from the chinese market, they look like peas on a twig!)

small, dried red chillis (usually about 3).

1. Heat the chopped onions in a wok or frying pan with a teaspoon of oil.

2. Add the chicken and brown slightly.

3. put in the paste and stir to coat all ingredients. Leave to cook for a minute or two.

4. Add the soy and fish sauce, lime juice, sugar and coconut milk. Stir well.

5. Slice the baby egg plant and add with the baby egg plant to the curry.

6. allow to simmer for a while. Towards the end of cooking, throw in the dried chillis just to add a little extra spice and colour! If using prawns, add now and allow to warm through.

Nice and easy, but gorgeous! I also adapt this slightly for soup. I would use the whole tin of coconut milk and add about the same of water. I would also add in some kaffir lime leaves. I don't usually include meat when I make soup, but I still eat it with rice! Yummm!!

Might not be able to blog again until next week so will miss putting up my weekly weight on Saturday! Fingers crossed its gone well and I will post it asap!

Have a lovely Friday!

Nx

Vertebrae not Included. (But recipes are)

(recipe included, read past the waffle)

Hmph. Bad day. Feel completely useless and totally self conscious today. Erika and I were going to go to ceroc classes tonight. I have never in my life done anything like it, and I was so excited about going. Obviously I was terrified as well, but really really looking forward to it.

Anyway, as the day has gone on the more aware of myself I became. In the end I couldn't face the idea of coming face to face with a complete stranger feeling as huge as I did. There was no way was ready for such kind of socialising. I used to be such a confident person when out, but now I crave being comfortable and not in a place where any attention could be put on me. The idea of someone touching me when I am not comfortable in my own skin, appalled me. I couldn't do it, I paniked, I chickened out.

I now feel horribly guilty for letting Erika down. I hate letting people down. I feel ashamed that I have let myself get to such a point where my confidence is in such shreads. I know I would love the ceroc classes, I have always wanted to be able to dance. I know next week is another week and hopefully I will have the guts to go. I just wish I wasn't this pathetic!

I had to go to the book shop for something for school (which frustratingly wasn't there) this evening and I was kind of wandering around in a daze. I had wanted to stop the car soooooooooo much between school and there and buy chocolate and crisps and sweets and biscuits and pork scratchings and anything disgustingly dripping in fat and calories and everything thats wrong for me. Walking round the shop was hard. I believe I spent near on 10 minutes just staring at the half price chocolate santas, daring myself to pick one up. I managed to chicken out of that too! I swear, had I stood there much longer, the mery little foil covered santas would have stared singing to me. I felt delirious. I felt . . . . I felt sad. I was so desperate to eat . . . . something, anything! But I didn't. and I should be proud of that. Because had I started eating something like the chocolate santa, I wouldn't have stopped, I would have had to have had more. No portion control. I cannot lose control again. I terrifies me that it's possible. I should be happy that I fought the urge, but I don't. I feel like I'm empty because at the moment I don't have the strength just to have a little, just to have enough. Its either nothing at all, or a disgusting, gut wrenching, pig making amount.

Since, I have come home, wrapped up in a thick woolen cardy and plonked myself on the setee. At the very least I should go for my walk tonight (have been doing about a mile march each night! Go me!) but I really can't be arsed. However, it's nights like this I really need to kick myself outside and just bloody do it, stop being crap, just sort myself out!

I have cooked a very healthy tea though tonight - Low fat chicken Saag. I love curry, and more to the point I love Saag!! I have added the recipe below. Now, I cook by tasting so I have tried to approximate the amounts, bt they may be ever so slightly out, sorry!

Low Fat Chicken Saag (Nat's Version)

couple tablespoons of yoghurt

2 chicken breasts

tsp mild chili powder

tsp powdered ginger

tsp smoked paprika

tsp cumin

tsp tumeric

salt and pepper

half a lemon

cumin seeds

corriander seeds

1 white onion

2 cloves of garlic

1 red pepper

6 blocks of frozen spinach (any reputable supermarket freezer department!)

1 tin of chopped tomatoes

dried/crushed chilli

1. mix the spices with the yoghurt and juice of half a lemon.

2. Add the chopped chicken and leave for as long as possible. The chicken is the most calorific part of this recipe so the leaner the chicken, the lower the calorie count.

3. Sprinkle a couple of pinches of cumin and corriander seeds into the wok or frying pan, heat.

4. Toss the seeds occaisionally, waiting for them to brown slightly.

5. Add the chopped onion and a teaspoon of oil (just so it doesn't stick too much, so this might not be necessary if you have a really good pan)

6. add the crushed/grated garlic when onions starting to brown.

7. When softend, turn up the heat and add the chicken, turning often.

8. whe almost cooked through, add the tomatoes, pepper and spinach blocks. (for the spinach, tesco's for once does not seem to do it best. the fozen spinach from tesco are in whole leaves. Sainsbury's however do chopped frozen spinach cubes which are much better for this recipe.)

9. add a sprinkling of crushed chilli and stri in.

10. Allow to bubble and reduce. I always add extra spices at this point, plenty cumin and ginger (often use grated fresh ginger here instead of powder - i keep mine in the freezer). Also some salt and pepper.

11. Always taste and add in any extra of the spices you like.

I often do this without yoghurt and corriander seeds which I personally prefer.

If using Lamb, also add some cardamon pods at the yoghurt stage and leave longer before cooking.

I was a little cheeky tonight as I have had half a nann bread as well!

Today's calroie count is around 1200. I haven't been for my walk yet but maybe I will muster up the courage in a little while!

Take care,

Nx

Scary food, thai soup and a frozen chicken.

(Recipes Included! Just bypass the waffle if you like - they're at the end.)

Ok, so this is day two of my 'awakening' and how scared am I about what is actually in food?!!! How thick am I never to have realised what is in stuff?? We went to good old Tesco yesterday (my spiritual home - and Elena's) and got the shopping in (Obviously, although I have been known to go to tesco and just stare at the shiny lights . . . . .ahem.) Anyway, thought I would just get our normal shop and actually record the calorie and fat content.

I just want to point out that although this sounds a little obsessive, it is not strictly a diet. Its all the stuff I would normally use I just wish to make myself aware. So, having banned Steve from putting anything away, I wrote everything down in Nat's Fat Book. Basically this has meant that I can physically see what I am putting into my body. Yes it took ages, yes I was bored, yes I got funny looks from my boyfriend, and yes the chicken nearly defrosted, but from now on I have a list of ingredients I use with their 'healthy' content. I need to register what a portion actually looks like instead of cooking the mountains of food I do as if I have a small country to cater for.

So, the last two days I have cooked meals I like to cook but actually thought about the claories and fat in them. I have actually adapted my recipes to make them 'healthier' but not lose the taste! I feel quite excited that lower fat and lower calorie food, doesn't actually taste like baby sick!!

So here's the last two days calorie count and the food I ate:-

4/1/08

Very bad day - I only ate at tea time (dinner for those people south of brum or just less northern than me).
We had two courses!!

Thai Soup (homemade - recipe at the bottom) aprox 50cals

Red Beef Curry and rice (75g is apparently a portion but it was too much for me) aprox 525 cals

Obviously, the curry is quite high, but I know how to adapt it now. I don't need as much rice, I can quite happily use the low fat coconut milk (it actually makes a better curry) and only rarely use beef - I usually use chicken which is obviously better. But this is a normal tea for me, this is not a diet tea. But it just shows, you can have what you want (within reason) as long as you are willing to adapt slightly.

So with the clementine before bed I consumed around 610 cals (little bit of milk in my tea included!). I also went for 25 minute march up and down the streets on our road - my neighbours might be thinking I'm a little strange now!

5/1/08

A much better day! I have eaten quite well, been quite hungry as I have refused to snack! But it'll get better.

Breakfast

Special K Red Berries with skimmed milk and glass of apple juice - 248 cals

Dinner

Bowl of Thai Soup and a clementine - 76 Cals (and I was stuffed - seriously read the recipe its sooooooooooooooooo lovely)

Tea

Piri-Piri prawns with vegetable cous-cous and a half a clementine (steve is an evil thief!) 290 cals - AMAZING!

So with my ovaltine light (yes I am actually and 80 year old woman) and a couple of other drinks (other than water) I have consumed around 725 cals today, and been for a 20 minute march around the lake (now the ducks think I'm strange too - the swans understood!)

I'm actually really pleased with this, as these meals are fairly typical, its just about portion control which is a 'developing skill' of mine!

OK, the good stuff . . . . .

Thai Soup (Tom Yum I think)

serves 6-8

My uncle lives in Thailand and his lovely fiance taught me a few dishes, this is my favourite. You can pick up all these ingredients from your local Tesco or other generic multi-functionary superstore!

This is quite spicy but really refreshing. I will often eat it with a little rice as a main meal, or on its own for lunch! The first three ingredients are inedible though, I leave them in to keep the taste but you could remove them once the intial stock is made.

Ingredients

Dried lemongrass (two full size sticks)

Galangal (3 or 4 pieces - check the spice aisle)

2-3 kaffir lime leaves (as above)

some stems of corriander - or corriander root if anyone can find any. If you can please let me know where!!

strips of chicken or pork, or prawns (optional - this would obviously increase callories and fat)

2-3 large chillis

3-4 garlic cloves

6 - 8 shallots (depending on size)

2-3 tomatoes (depending on size)

6 tablespoons LIGHT soy sauce

5 table spoons fish sauce

2 teaspoons sugar

1 tablespoon lime juice.

1. Boil the lemongrass, galangal, lime leaves and corriander stems in two pints of water. Keep covered and prepare other ingredients.

2. Add chicken or pork (not prawns at this point) to the stock when it has a good flavour. I very often don't use any meat and keep it veggy.

3. Blitz together or finly chop the garlic andchilli mix. Add to the soup along with the shallots. Keep pan covered and boiling.

4. Add tomatoes and all other ingredients (including prawns if using) and leave to boil for another few minutes.

5. The soup is ready!!! I also like to chop some spring onions and fresh corriander and add it as almost a 'topping' to the soup - corriander really adds to the fresh taste!

Piri - Piri Prawns and Vegetable Cous-Cous

serves 2

Easy peasy - I usually use chicken but we had the prawns in and they work really well!

Ingredients

25g Tomatoe Puree

20ml Lime Juice

sharwoods piri-piri seasoning

180g King prawns (one box basically)

100g pak choi

100g spinach

1 pepper

50g spring onion

splash white wine vinegar

splash water

salt and pepper

1 packet of Tesco's lemon and corriander cous-cous

1 tomato

fresh corriander

1. Mix together the puree, lime juice, piri-piri seasoning with a little salt and pepper. Mix the prawns or chicken until coated and set aside.

2. chop vegetables and add to pan with the white wine vinegar, water, salt and pepper. Cover and allow to boil, reduce heat and allow veg to cook until soft.

3. Add in cous-cous and another splash of water (don't put in as much as the packet instructions as there is a lot of liquid from the veg, I just added a coupld of sloshes from the kettle!). Stir, cover and leave for five - ten minutes.

4. Heat a wok or other non-stick pan. Put in the prawn/chicken mixture and heat until cooked through.

5. Stir chopped tomatoes and chopped corrianded into cous-cous and serve with prawns!

beautiful!

Let me know if you try these recipes and what you think! If you ever want any more cooking ideas or have some hints for me - shout away!!

Night Night,

Nx

New to this

Well, a new world has just opened up to me!! Having sat there on many occaisions reading the blogs of my friends, I thought I'd have a stab! I'm not really expecting to get anything like the views they get, but even if one person reads my ramblings then I will be very happy!

This is my blog about my fight with the fat I have gathered over the last few years! Im not grotesque but I am currently at the heaviest I have been throughout my entire life - including my thrid year binge at uni!!

Basically I want this to be an online diary of my attempt to lose 2 stone. In the past when I have attempted this I have given in to my lack of will power. The theory is, that if this is in a public domain, however small, I will have no option but to follow through with this evil plan!! I will be shamed into making damn sure I do it! I have a lovely boy, Steve, who is extremely supportive but as I'm sure many ladies out there will know, when you have piled on more than you imagined you would, your confidnce, will power, self esteem, self motivation and general care for life kinda goes out the window. You end up feeling pretty worthless.

Well I for one am sick of feeling crap. About myself and about the world around me. There are undoubtedly other factors, but with me, and many others, my weight seems to rule my whole being. I am essentialy an ambitious, happy person, but both of those qualities have been solowly ebbing from me over the last 12 months or so. Sadly I have only just realised, poor Steve has had to pu up with me being grumpy and low for far too long.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not aiming for the size zero, nothing like it, a size 12 would be wonderful though. But I hate diet plans. To me theres always someone wanting to make money out of people with low self esteem. Ok Rosemary and weight watchers have their successes, as did Mr Atkins (may he RIP), but I can't stick to nazi like regimes that they expect. Neither do I like the 'Posh' or 'Paris' celebrity diets that bloody magazines publish. To me, have an apricot for breakfast, a spoon of cabbage soup for lunch and a twiglet for tea is not my idea of a good days eating.

Which brings me to my major problem in life. I LOVE food!!!! I like to think of myself as a bit of a cook. There is nothing I love more than cooking a huge meal for all my friends to enjoy. I used to think that if I wasn't a teacher I should do something with food! Well, it turns out I do both. I teach during the day and scoff myself at night! However, my food isnt fat fried, or wrapped in cheese (erm, sometimes not strictly true), I thought it was relatively healthy. Well, my rapidly expanding waist line proves that wrong!

So, Each post will hopefully update my weight and calories, ways and means of losing weight, along with the personal hell I am about to enter into!! However, I intend to eat food I love - not a handful of raisins every 2 days!! I am hopefully going to be able to post recipes and ideas that WORK!!! and if it doesn't, well, theres always plastic surgery!!!!! Joke!

I hope this picks up a few friends on the way and maybe, just maybe help someone else. Time will tell. Might depend on just how boring my writing is!

Tomorrow, after some handy tapemeasure work, I am going to post my vital statistics and bare all the gory details - don't worry, I'm not going to do a Gok and put pictures of me in my scraggy underwear on the internet, no, no, any photos of me on here will be clothed!!

Hope to see you soon,

Nx

P.S You may be wondering about the picture; nutshell - this is possibly the only picture of me from recent months that I am happy with. Ok Im green, I'm the wiked Witch of the West, but i felt good and an ex boyfriend said I looked "Damn Hot" in green!!!