While trying on multiple pairs of low cut, flab cutting, over priced, skinny fit, depressingly thin, badly made, non-comfy jeans (it went soooooooo well), I was yet again investing in a little people watching. To be more accurate, people listening.
I know I am judgemental at the best of times, but I realised today just how judgemental I could be. Although, not entirely unjustified. The first was in New Look, who have surprised me actually with their range of tops at the moment, not jeans though - we went through this earlier, I will try not to repeat myself! I was layering tops and failing miserably to coordinate anything when I overheard voices in the next cubicle. Three generations of the same family were shopping together which I thought was lovely, something very traditional and surprising in a world so twisted round. There was a young girl spending her birthday money, her mum and grandma. I couldn't see them, obviously - I hadn't created a little peep hole to watch them by, but I did sit and listen for a while! I need more of a life . . . .
Anyway, the girl sounded about 11 - 12, quite young. She was trying on various things including jeans. Apart from wanting to tell her never to buy jeans from New Look, I was ready to scream at her elders at what they thought was appropriate for a young girl. The discussion went through white leggings, to white jeans, to mini skirts and then I heard the mother say . . . ."You look far better in those white hot pants you own!" At this point I wish I had a peep hole to see just how old this girl was. It was entirely feasable that she just sounded young, that she was a misguided teenager who thought hot pants were cool (for anyone who may be confused I would like to clarify that at no point, unless you are Kylie, are hot pants cool. They aren't now, and never will be!) I quickly gathered my things as I realised I needed to leave the changing rooms before I actually started telling people how to dress.
As I walked out from behind the curtain I realised to my horror, I was right. This was not a teenager, not even close. She was indeed a little girl. She was no older than 12 and her mother was telling her she looked good in hot pants. Now, I know I was never the coolest of kids, I always had hand-me-downs and Tesco clothes (there is definitly nothing wrong with Tesco clothes, I still love them), but come on - hot pants? On an 11 year old? Really? The mother should not be dressing her little girl like a prostitute. But maybe I'm just old fashioned . . . and quite happy to be if thats the case.
The second thing that distressed me was in Dotty P's. I was rifling through the sale rail (some nice little numbers actually, but nothig fit) when I heard a very aggressive voice, "Get eere or I'll batter you! Gerr eer now!" I looked up expecting to see a naughty boy running around the shop. I was not surprised to see the owner of the voice as a very large, extremely scary looking woman. Red puffer jacket, hair scrapped back with what I assumed was gel, could be natural . . . who knows (said I was judgemental), pushing a push chair. There was a baby in the push chair but I could not see the naughty boy. "Get by me NOW or I'll kick your 'ed in!" she continued in her dulcet tones. When I edged my head around the trousers I could see to who she was referring. Tottering behind her was a tiny toddler, no more than 2 or 3. The little girl, from what I could see, was guilty of nothing more than not being able to keep up with mother's yeti like strides. The poor thing was seemingly oblivious to the venom at which her mother was screaming at her.
I spun back around quickly, hiding the fact that I was obviously fuming. How DARE she speak to a child like that. I don't care how naughty they may or may not be - that was bang out of order. I wanted to tell her what a horrible person she was and that she didn't deserve to have one kid, let alone 2. However, I quite like my face, I quite like being able to chew food and breathe without aid. I think had I approached the neanderthal I would have ended up in intensive care.
The world is a very sad place, and things like that put my life in perspective. I had a wonderful upbringing all things considered. I was loved and knew it. I was well cared for and knew it. I never had to doubt the care my family gave me (for the most part) and I now don't have to question the care and love of my friends. That poor little girl is going to grow up knowing nothing but hate and aggression. Steve is right. Humans should have a test before they are allowed to breed, it would stop children growing up a psychological mess and hating the world thus precipitating a vicious, downwards spiral.
So, it may be a day (ish) late, but show people how much you love them. Let those you care about know how much you care about them, that you would not let harm come to them, and that you would definitly tell them how appauling they look in white hot pants.
Love you,
Nx
Showing posts with label clothes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label clothes. Show all posts
Friday, 15 February 2008
Not giving up the ghost, just yet.
Comfy old jeans are like a good friend. They won't let you down, they don't get offended if you choose to wear something else, but are always, without fail, there when you need them. I love jeans, I live in them. My current pair are Doty P's high waisted, dark size 14s. However, what with the old losing weight shennanigans, they are not looking their best anymore. Infact, they don't actually fit anymore! They are supposed to be high waist, however, they are now sitting below my hips. I know I can wear a belt with them, but unfortuntely it makes me look like I am wearing a nappy as they bag quite horribly around the front. Either that or a look of someone who hasn't had the full sex change ops yet! Not attractive.
The fact that I now have a figure coming back to me is very exciting. So, I thought I would celebrate this with some new interim jeans, a pair that look like they might actually fit. I toddled off into erdington - I wasn't prepared to go into Birmingham, half term shopping? No thank you. To my excitement I found that I could actually squeeze myself into size 12 jea
ns in new look, but they were all too low cut. I felt slightly dirty looking at jeans in new look (it was like cheating) so I put down the size 12s and went into Dotty P's. I only ever buy jeans from Dorothy or Next because they are long enough for me. However, skinny jeans were abundant. The beautiful high waisted flared jeans on the poster were no where in sight.
ns in new look, but they were all too low cut. I felt slightly dirty looking at jeans in new look (it was like cheating) so I put down the size 12s and went into Dotty P's. I only ever buy jeans from Dorothy or Next because they are long enough for me. However, skinny jeans were abundant. The beautiful high waisted flared jeans on the poster were no where in sight.
Needless to say, the size 12s didn't get any where near my bum! I am not built for skinny Jeans - no one should be, they are wrong on all sorts of levels. As the world is not ready for me flaunting myself in super tight denim, I meandered back out of the shop, avoiding the frilly tops that were calling me (the world is not ready for me in frills either!).
So my old jeans were slightly hurt at me looking for a replacement, but welcomed me back with open arms. Soft and saggy, they made me feel so comfortable. I didn't care that they were slightly trampy looking anymore, I love them and I don't want to lose them just yet!
Thursday, 31 January 2008
People Watching in Costa Coffee
I love people watching. Its a lovely hobby. Not rude if you dont make it obvious you are watching!!
This afternoon I thought I would have a little me-time. Every once and a while I like to take a couple of hours to myself and meander around shops. This was such a day. I also wanted some dorothy shoes! So, I left school before 4pm (exciting for me) and went to the Fort, a smallish retail park.
I had my lovely polka dot outfit on with teal co-ordinated items and little black pumps on. I also had THE green coat on which I love so, it makes me feel so sophisticated. In this dress, strutting my 12 stone 6 frame around the complex, I walked past costa coffee. It suddenly dawned on me I had never sat in a cafe, drank a cup of coffee or eaten on my own. Yes I have grabbed food from Greggs or something on my own, but never actually sat down and lazed over a cup of coffee and enjoyed my own, relaxed company. So, instead of walking past straight away, I walked in. Without even realising, I had ordered a small black coffee and a low fat panini (if that is actually possible - surely its and oxymoron?!), sat down in a corner chair, and watched the people passing by.
Suddenly I realised how content I felt. I was sat alone, loving my own company feeling naughty, yet fantastic being there. Some people might not think this is an achievement, but when you have suffered from pretty much no self esteem, it is huge. The idea of sitting alone was totally paranoid making - everyone was watching you thinking you were a saddo. I didn't feel like a saddo, and I knew no one was watching me - I was watching people!
I noticed two girls, early 30s maybe, walk in. I noticed them because of their gorgeous coats. Both heavy winter coats, down to the floor. They were also perfectly made up - straightened hair, make up, matching handbags. Vain yes, but you should not judge this in strangers. They sat down across the room, next to each other on a sofa, with their large lattes, no doubt with skinny, super low, no fat, no good milk (whatever posh name they give it, I dunno). They were engrossed in conversation on the second bite of my panini, when another woman, around the same age walked in. I noticed her because she had her son with her. I was convinced I had taught her son, was convinced, but I found myself staring at a young boy far too much than was appropriate, so returned to my coffee.
I glanced up again to see the mum and son approach the posh coated girls. She excitedly said "Hi!!! How lovely to see you both! What you doing?" Neither of the posh coated girls stood up. They smiled, looked at each other and engaged in what seemed to be limited conversation. Next time I looked up from the coffee cup, she had gone, the grils back to their deep gossip. However, the mum returned. I looked at her closely this time, she seemed a little dowdier than the other two, but I liked her more, she was obviously more down to earth. She asked Trinny and Suzannah if it was ok for her and her son to sit opposite them. "Oh god yeah! That would be great!" Trinny enthused. With a smile the nice lady returned to the counter to pay for her hot chocolates. I watched T and S. Hidden by a screen from the counter, they stared at each other open mouthed, shock and disgust on their faces. A quick, urgent whisper into one anothers ears, a rapid shaking of the head, a look that would crack a mirror; it said it all. They were vain. They should be judged on it.
How two faced and evil can women be? Less than 2 seconds after this poor girl had turned away, her so called friends were obviously bitching about her. Obviously recoiling at the idea she had dared to ask permission for her . . . and her SON, to sit opposite them. But they were having a jolly nice gossip about other people - how to ruin a lovely day! So the pretty coated ladies disappointed me, but actually, made me feel a little better.
I realised that I was far more than they were. I may have been bigger, I may not be in expensive clothes with matching handbags (mine was £4 from matalan!), I may not have their confidence and straight hair and make up, but my god I had so much more. Suddenly, they seemed drab, empty, nothing spectacular at all. I felt more confident than ever, I knew I had a personality that would outstrip them, I knew I was a better person, I knew that I wanted to go over to the woman and the son I thought I knew (I didnt) and invite them to my table. I wanted to know her, I wanted to talk interesting things with her. I wanted to let her know how beautiful she looked next to Skinny and Tranny. I didn't though.
I finished my coffee, brimming with confidence and ease, conscious that I did not want to radiate vanity and left the shop. Maybe I was wrong about the posh coated women, but to be honest I don't really care. It made me realise that I am not nothing, that there are traits about me which are likeable, even lovable. I realised I was someone who cared about people and that mattered, and if others don't like me - well, it does not matter. They were obviously not meant to be as happy as me.
So my lonely coffee turned out to be quite theraputic. Most people who undertake therapy have another human being to interact with. I just need people watching in costa coffee.
This afternoon I thought I would have a little me-time. Every once and a while I like to take a couple of hours to myself and meander around shops. This was such a day. I also wanted some dorothy shoes! So, I left school before 4pm (exciting for me) and went to the Fort, a smallish retail park.
I had my lovely polka dot outfit on with teal co-ordinated items and little black pumps on. I also had THE green coat on which I love so, it makes me feel so sophisticated. In this dress, strutting my 12 stone 6 frame around the complex, I walked past costa coffee. It suddenly dawned on me I had never sat in a cafe, drank a cup of coffee or eaten on my own. Yes I have grabbed food from Greggs or something on my own, but never actually sat down and lazed over a cup of coffee and enjoyed my own, relaxed company. So, instead of walking past straight away, I walked in. Without even realising, I had ordered a small black coffee and a low fat panini (if that is actually possible - surely its and oxymoron?!), sat down in a corner chair, and watched the people passing by.
Suddenly I realised how content I felt. I was sat alone, loving my own company feeling naughty, yet fantastic being there. Some people might not think this is an achievement, but when you have suffered from pretty much no self esteem, it is huge. The idea of sitting alone was totally paranoid making - everyone was watching you thinking you were a saddo. I didn't feel like a saddo, and I knew no one was watching me - I was watching people!
I noticed two girls, early 30s maybe, walk in. I noticed them because of their gorgeous coats. Both heavy winter coats, down to the floor. They were also perfectly made up - straightened hair, make up, matching handbags. Vain yes, but you should not judge this in strangers. They sat down across the room, next to each other on a sofa, with their large lattes, no doubt with skinny, super low, no fat, no good milk (whatever posh name they give it, I dunno). They were engrossed in conversation on the second bite of my panini, when another woman, around the same age walked in. I noticed her because she had her son with her. I was convinced I had taught her son, was convinced, but I found myself staring at a young boy far too much than was appropriate, so returned to my coffee.
I glanced up again to see the mum and son approach the posh coated girls. She excitedly said "Hi!!! How lovely to see you both! What you doing?" Neither of the posh coated girls stood up. They smiled, looked at each other and engaged in what seemed to be limited conversation. Next time I looked up from the coffee cup, she had gone, the grils back to their deep gossip. However, the mum returned. I looked at her closely this time, she seemed a little dowdier than the other two, but I liked her more, she was obviously more down to earth. She asked Trinny and Suzannah if it was ok for her and her son to sit opposite them. "Oh god yeah! That would be great!" Trinny enthused. With a smile the nice lady returned to the counter to pay for her hot chocolates. I watched T and S. Hidden by a screen from the counter, they stared at each other open mouthed, shock and disgust on their faces. A quick, urgent whisper into one anothers ears, a rapid shaking of the head, a look that would crack a mirror; it said it all. They were vain. They should be judged on it.
How two faced and evil can women be? Less than 2 seconds after this poor girl had turned away, her so called friends were obviously bitching about her. Obviously recoiling at the idea she had dared to ask permission for her . . . and her SON, to sit opposite them. But they were having a jolly nice gossip about other people - how to ruin a lovely day! So the pretty coated ladies disappointed me, but actually, made me feel a little better.
I realised that I was far more than they were. I may have been bigger, I may not be in expensive clothes with matching handbags (mine was £4 from matalan!), I may not have their confidence and straight hair and make up, but my god I had so much more. Suddenly, they seemed drab, empty, nothing spectacular at all. I felt more confident than ever, I knew I had a personality that would outstrip them, I knew I was a better person, I knew that I wanted to go over to the woman and the son I thought I knew (I didnt) and invite them to my table. I wanted to know her, I wanted to talk interesting things with her. I wanted to let her know how beautiful she looked next to Skinny and Tranny. I didn't though.
I finished my coffee, brimming with confidence and ease, conscious that I did not want to radiate vanity and left the shop. Maybe I was wrong about the posh coated women, but to be honest I don't really care. It made me realise that I am not nothing, that there are traits about me which are likeable, even lovable. I realised I was someone who cared about people and that mattered, and if others don't like me - well, it does not matter. They were obviously not meant to be as happy as me.
So my lonely coffee turned out to be quite theraputic. Most people who undertake therapy have another human being to interact with. I just need people watching in costa coffee.
Wednesday, 23 January 2008
Look at My Man-Bits!! (metaphorically, obviously!)
Tonight, on my way home from school, I stopped into Sainsburys. At the checkout I had three bottles of vinegar, four tubs of Bi-carb, two bags of balloons, carrot sticks with humous, and . . . . A NEW SKIRT!!
Ok, so you may be focusing on the vast amounts of vinegar and Bi-carb - I assure you it is for a science experiment at school, as well as the balloons! We are going to make exploding cannons on Monday! Yey! Very few people can call that work!
Anyway, I am focusing on the new skirt! I promised myself I wasn't going to buy clothes until I had lost a stone and a half, but I was desperate for something pretty. I am so pleased with how the whole weight thing is going, and the lack of binging, that I couldn't resist. That, and the fact that there was 70% off!! Anyway, I wasn't sure what I could possibly wear it with at the moment, or where! But having a play around, tomorrow I am going to be brave! This is what I am going to wear to work tomorrow:
I have never worn a skirt-trouser combo, and my hips feel small enough to pull it off for the first time. I am sure I will have some questionable looks from people, but quite frankly I don't give a stuff! Hey look at that . . . I grew some balls!!
Nx
Wednesday, 16 January 2008
What a Difference a Day Makes
Interesting day. Yet again woke up feeling well rested and brave! I quite like this new feeling in me, I've never really felt brave before. Ok, with all things considered, choosing a slightly different outfit is hardly brave. Its not exactly climbing Everest or fighting in Iraq or eating a Big Mac; all those things need real, true bravery. But ths is bravery for me.
So, I donned my black trousers (which usually have rolls of muffin top sticking over them), my new (yes I spent money! oops) long black polka dot top over a red vesty thing, and tightened myself up with my new red belt. I felt fantastic!! I marched around school all day with tons of confidence! Within five minutes of walking down a corridor, five people all stopped me to say how lovely I looked. Head swelling and ego fighting back, I could feel my confidence and 'fit body fit mind' ideals shining out of me. One of my colleagues even said she was going to bring me in some shoes to match the outfit as they didn't fit her! Excellent!!
I know this all sounds massively bigheaded but it's such a long time since I felt that good. From side on I thought I looked quite slender and from front on I had a waist!! Although, I did realise I could no longer sit down!! God help all those poor women that wear corsets etc, one small belt was enough for me! Every time I sat down I felt like I had a rod up my back trying to stop the cascade of flab over the belt! This will do wonders for my posture!
Anyway, I left work early today so I could go home and flounce about the house feeling fabulous and spend some time with Steve. However, I don't quite know what happened but this wonderful, addictive feeling I've had all day just seemed to . . . evaporate.
I got out of my new favourite outfit and put on my jeans and big baggy top. Suddenly I was a frump again. Suddenly I felt fat again, suddenly I felt like a complete waste of space. It wasn't the clothes, I could feel I was on my way down anyway. Now its taking all my energy not to go to the mini tesco and buy a hoard of crap to eat. I really really really want to stuff my mouth with something thick and creamy and chocolatey. I want to feel like I did this morning. I just don't know why it changed.
Tea was awful. I had no motivation to cook anything interesting. I did attempt to make a healthy veggie sauce to go with gnocchi and chicken (done on my George). The chicken was lovely, the sauce and gnocchi was somewhere between baby food and the bottom of a compost bin. Not pleasant. So I am now also starving which is not helping with my overwhelming craving to binge. Not sure I am going to be able to stop myself - I just have to try and stay in the house, might not be an idea to go for a walk tonight. Such a weak excuse.
Anyway, calorie count today is around 1200 although I only ate half my tea so count probably closer to 1000. Need something else to eat but have little motivation.
Sorry to be so melancholoy, I am aware there are more important things in life. I just can't believe how shallow I am that an outfit can alter my entire being. This is all a hell of a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.
Tata for now.
Nx
So, I donned my black trousers (which usually have rolls of muffin top sticking over them), my new (yes I spent money! oops) long black polka dot top over a red vesty thing, and tightened myself up with my new red belt. I felt fantastic!! I marched around school all day with tons of confidence! Within five minutes of walking down a corridor, five people all stopped me to say how lovely I looked. Head swelling and ego fighting back, I could feel my confidence and 'fit body fit mind' ideals shining out of me. One of my colleagues even said she was going to bring me in some shoes to match the outfit as they didn't fit her! Excellent!!
I know this all sounds massively bigheaded but it's such a long time since I felt that good. From side on I thought I looked quite slender and from front on I had a waist!! Although, I did realise I could no longer sit down!! God help all those poor women that wear corsets etc, one small belt was enough for me! Every time I sat down I felt like I had a rod up my back trying to stop the cascade of flab over the belt! This will do wonders for my posture!
Anyway, I left work early today so I could go home and flounce about the house feeling fabulous and spend some time with Steve. However, I don't quite know what happened but this wonderful, addictive feeling I've had all day just seemed to . . . evaporate.
I got out of my new favourite outfit and put on my jeans and big baggy top. Suddenly I was a frump again. Suddenly I felt fat again, suddenly I felt like a complete waste of space. It wasn't the clothes, I could feel I was on my way down anyway. Now its taking all my energy not to go to the mini tesco and buy a hoard of crap to eat. I really really really want to stuff my mouth with something thick and creamy and chocolatey. I want to feel like I did this morning. I just don't know why it changed.
Tea was awful. I had no motivation to cook anything interesting. I did attempt to make a healthy veggie sauce to go with gnocchi and chicken (done on my George). The chicken was lovely, the sauce and gnocchi was somewhere between baby food and the bottom of a compost bin. Not pleasant. So I am now also starving which is not helping with my overwhelming craving to binge. Not sure I am going to be able to stop myself - I just have to try and stay in the house, might not be an idea to go for a walk tonight. Such a weak excuse.
Anyway, calorie count today is around 1200 although I only ate half my tea so count probably closer to 1000. Need something else to eat but have little motivation.
Sorry to be so melancholoy, I am aware there are more important things in life. I just can't believe how shallow I am that an outfit can alter my entire being. This is all a hell of a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.
Tata for now.
Nx
Monday, 14 January 2008
Belts and B*tches
Hooray!! The last week has done a little I suppose - not really sure how much is appropriate to lose in one week. This morning I was 12 stone 12!! Hooray!!! It made me quite cheery so today I got a little more 'daring' with my outfit. I put on the black dress that had previously prompted 'those' looks, with quite a 50s looking teal cardy over the top. I then used the belt of the dress to sinch in my waist a little over the top of the cardigan. Matched with my high heels I felt confident and happy when I left the house.
Once I took off the never fail green coat, I started to feel a little anxious. I knew one of the first people I would see would be the woman who had me feel so monstrous on the dress' last outing. With courage, my chin held high, my waist belted and my stomach sucked in as far as it was humanly possible, I entered the room where she, and other evil eyed people were. "Morning Nat," echoed the voices. And that was it. No looks either evil or complimentary. As I'm not their biggest fan at the best of times, this pleased me. At least I didn't look so bad that I had to be judged on the spot. The fact that they said nothing positive doesnt really matter - thats just par for the course I think. However, another colleague came in to my room at the end of the day just to tell methey thought I looked lovely today. This made everything worth it!!
This however, did not help my bank balance so much. Filled with my rebuilding confidence, I floated into Sainsbury's on the way home where I bought a new top and three new belts!!!! I figure if I'm getting my waist back I may as well try and draw some attention to it. However, one of the belts does need taking back as it is too big!!!! I couldn't be bothered taking my coat off to try it on - that'll teach me to be lazy!
Anyhoo, calorie content a little higher tonight as I made pork penang, so I'm currently on 1300 calories. Nice mug of turkish delight options later (only 34 calories a cup!!) should fnish the day off perfectly.
Back to trackies though tomorrow - can you wear a polka dot top and teal belt with those?
Nx
Once I took off the never fail green coat, I started to feel a little anxious. I knew one of the first people I would see would be the woman who had me feel so monstrous on the dress' last outing. With courage, my chin held high, my waist belted and my stomach sucked in as far as it was humanly possible, I entered the room where she, and other evil eyed people were. "Morning Nat," echoed the voices. And that was it. No looks either evil or complimentary. As I'm not their biggest fan at the best of times, this pleased me. At least I didn't look so bad that I had to be judged on the spot. The fact that they said nothing positive doesnt really matter - thats just par for the course I think. However, another colleague came in to my room at the end of the day just to tell methey thought I looked lovely today. This made everything worth it!!
This however, did not help my bank balance so much. Filled with my rebuilding confidence, I floated into Sainsbury's on the way home where I bought a new top and three new belts!!!! I figure if I'm getting my waist back I may as well try and draw some attention to it. However, one of the belts does need taking back as it is too big!!!! I couldn't be bothered taking my coat off to try it on - that'll teach me to be lazy!
Anyhoo, calorie content a little higher tonight as I made pork penang, so I'm currently on 1300 calories. Nice mug of turkish delight options later (only 34 calories a cup!!) should fnish the day off perfectly.
Back to trackies though tomorrow - can you wear a polka dot top and teal belt with those?
Nx
Sunday, 13 January 2008
Vertically Challenged
Fun was definitly had this weekend in Newcastle, food was relatively healthy, however, I do think Ernest and Jullio have not helped with the losing of weight over the last 48 hours! However, a little rose and a little bubbles was much needed as I went ot help Cie pack some of her stuff. I have attached a couple fo pics from last night in my favourite dress and coat. They always make me feel so good about myself, and I felt good in my own skin last night. The coat, however, is still a little tight as you can see, but I didn't care! I even think I look ok in the photies, and I know exactly what people will say, "What are you wanting to lose weight for, you look ok?" But I don't underneath. I am 2 stone heavier than I wish to be, my stomach goes out from underneath my boobs!! It is not a good look. 
A similar argument people say to me when informed of my 13 stone, is "But you're tall, it's ok!" Yes, ok, I am nearly 5'9", ok yes, if I was 5'4" then we would be facing a different problem, ok yes, I am taller than some people including 4 out of 5 male colleagues, ok yes, as Elena says, I carry a lot of my weight on my boobs, but height cannot be an excuse to keep eating! If you are not happy about how you look it doesn't matter a damn about your height. I love being tall and will mostly choose to wear heels as well, but if my stomach is arching outwards, making me slightly larger than some pregnant women, there is not a pair of shoes high enough to make me feel good about how I look.
A similar argument people say to me when informed of my 13 stone, is "But you're tall, it's ok!" Yes, ok, I am nearly 5'9", ok yes, if I was 5'4" then we would be facing a different problem, ok yes, I am taller than some people including 4 out of 5 male colleagues, ok yes, as Elena says, I carry a lot of my weight on my boobs, but height cannot be an excuse to keep eating! If you are not happy about how you look it doesn't matter a damn about your height. I love being tall and will mostly choose to wear heels as well, but if my stomach is arching outwards, making me slightly larger than some pregnant women, there is not a pair of shoes high enough to make me feel good about how I look.
But I did feel good about how I looked last night, and with caroline in her gorgeouse red tulip dress, we set out for the Flat Bread Cafe. This is a new restaurant in newcastle which apparently has plans to role out over the rest of the UK. It was incredible. They have an eclectic menu of dishes from peru, morocco and various other places. You chose three, along with your flatbread and you just tuck in. So between us we had six incredible dishes including turkey tagine, jerk fish, a monkfish dish, all beautifully cooked. We poured a glass of rose each and then part way through the meal Cie pointed out we hadn't even touched the wine. that is a sign of the kind of people we are, we are foody people, and the scientific analysis of our food (trying to work out what ingredients were used) had prevented us from taking a single sip of the pink stuff. If you are ever in the toon you must hunt it out, I forget where exactly it is, down some cobbledy street, but keep a look out for it!
So, I haven't kept a count of the calories for the last couple of days, but I have been strict on myself. I am very nervous about tomorrow as I am going to get on the scales again and see what has happened to me since last Saturday. I am looking forward to it but very scared in case the expected doesnt occur.
Fingers crossed!
Nx
Saturday, 12 January 2008
Prostitutes Can't Read (and other sweeping generalisations)
Yes, this was actually said by Erika on Thursday morning! Basically she had decided to wear a dress for school. As I pick her up from the train station in the morning, she has to stand on the street corner, so, as she wished not to be confused with a prostitute (because you can at 7 in the morning whilst wearing a trenchcoat and shoulder bag) she decided to read her book. This however did not prevent an old man parking up along the street to wolf whistle her!!
When collected, she informed me that by reading a book it would differentiate between prositute and someone who is waiting for a lift as, "Prostitutes Can't Read." High level prostitutes or 'escorts' can only read The Sun! This made me giggle quite a lot!
Anyway, my reason for mentioning this is that I was totally impressed with her fashion choice of the day. I always envy people who wear dresses to work - Cie wore an evening dress to her job the other day just because she could!! I would love to be able to wear dresses to work. I wore one once - a black 1950s style, sleevless shirt dress that I wore with a short turquoise cardigan. I felt fabulous in the dress. But when a colleague looked me up and down in the derogatory manner in which only a woman can, I never wore it again.
I would love to have the confidence to wear slightly unusual things for work and not give a stuff about what 'they' think. After Erika's outfit (which she looked so gorgeous in with ankle strap high heels), and Caroline's constant flambouyant work attire (let's face it, it's far more flambouyant than anything I own!) I thought I might get myself a dress when I lost a few more pounds.
Then, yesterday - and this excited me - I could suck my stomach in again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is a BIG deal!! I could also feel that my waist was feeling a little tighter. Caroline said she could tell I had lost weight already and was looking better than when she saw me last. This caused me to bounce around her bedroom and hug her repeatedly - it made me feel so good! Cie, in fits of giggles watching me, said she liked how my boobs jiggled when I bounced as hers didn't do that! I meerly pointed out that my where holding more weight than hers! Hopefully not for long!
Anyway, so with the whole dress thing and the feeling much better about how I looked already, I decided that today in Newcastle I would find myself a dress for work! Yipee! I thought. Only to remember why I hated clothes shopping in January. The shops, resembling an oversized jumble sale, are too full of people and the clothes that you find are either in a size 10 or 22. Neither of which fit Caroline or I. I very quickly gave up.
However, I refuse to give up on the idea of expanding my wardrobe, to find an eclectic fashion sense, to feel confident in what I'm wearing and not to give a rat's ass what anyone else might think! With pro-active behaviour comes confidence, with confidence comes happiness, with happiness comes the will to do great things!
Have a lovely weekend,
Nx
When collected, she informed me that by reading a book it would differentiate between prositute and someone who is waiting for a lift as, "Prostitutes Can't Read." High level prostitutes or 'escorts' can only read The Sun! This made me giggle quite a lot!
Anyway, my reason for mentioning this is that I was totally impressed with her fashion choice of the day. I always envy people who wear dresses to work - Cie wore an evening dress to her job the other day just because she could!! I would love to be able to wear dresses to work. I wore one once - a black 1950s style, sleevless shirt dress that I wore with a short turquoise cardigan. I felt fabulous in the dress. But when a colleague looked me up and down in the derogatory manner in which only a woman can, I never wore it again.
I would love to have the confidence to wear slightly unusual things for work and not give a stuff about what 'they' think. After Erika's outfit (which she looked so gorgeous in with ankle strap high heels), and Caroline's constant flambouyant work attire (let's face it, it's far more flambouyant than anything I own!) I thought I might get myself a dress when I lost a few more pounds.
Then, yesterday - and this excited me - I could suck my stomach in again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is a BIG deal!! I could also feel that my waist was feeling a little tighter. Caroline said she could tell I had lost weight already and was looking better than when she saw me last. This caused me to bounce around her bedroom and hug her repeatedly - it made me feel so good! Cie, in fits of giggles watching me, said she liked how my boobs jiggled when I bounced as hers didn't do that! I meerly pointed out that my where holding more weight than hers! Hopefully not for long!
Anyway, so with the whole dress thing and the feeling much better about how I looked already, I decided that today in Newcastle I would find myself a dress for work! Yipee! I thought. Only to remember why I hated clothes shopping in January. The shops, resembling an oversized jumble sale, are too full of people and the clothes that you find are either in a size 10 or 22. Neither of which fit Caroline or I. I very quickly gave up.
However, I refuse to give up on the idea of expanding my wardrobe, to find an eclectic fashion sense, to feel confident in what I'm wearing and not to give a rat's ass what anyone else might think! With pro-active behaviour comes confidence, with confidence comes happiness, with happiness comes the will to do great things!
Have a lovely weekend,
Nx
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