Serious apologies for no blogs for the last couple of weeks, this has been for a number of reasons.
Firstly, I've been, and still am, poorly sick. Had to take a couple of days off work last week as I wasnt functionning at all. Stayed in bed the monday, went home early on the tuesday, had to have a lie down in the staffroom for an hour on wednesday, and after breaking down crying on various members of staff in various corners of the school on thursday, I decided I needed to stay in bed on Friday! I am feeling a little better, but having put myself so far behind with work, think I have done a little too much, too soon. Now shattered again!
Thats why I am now lying in bed, once more reflecting on life.
I realised, as well as being told by steve, that my blog had lost its point. As much as I enjoy waffling crap about all aspects of love and life, I realised it had lost its essence. As had I. I have been feeling sapped (partly because of this virus) but of the goal I was striving towards. I had stopped thinking about food. Deliberately? I think so. Half term was my break, but I didn't go back. I started slipping. I stopped using my book, I stopped thinking about what was going into my food and my body, I stopped walking.
I knew I had to reboot myself - I could feel my emotions becoming irrational agian, feel my life spirit slowly ebbing away again. NO! This is NOT going to happen! So at weekend I remounted the scales - my weight has stayed constant for 2 weeks!!!! With not eating particularly well as all I want to eat is crap when I am ill, and with slobbing about I have somehow managed to stay the same weight. This is a first! So something must be working. I must be controlling my food and calories more than I realised. OK I haven't lost anymore weight in a few weeks, but at least I now know I can maintain a weight.
So, here we go again - back to thinking about food, and enjoying what I love. Not fixating on it to the point where it stresses me, but losing that extra stone! I was going to go for a walk this eveing while steve watched the football, but I feel the muscles in my face falling apart - if you do not know me, do not be alarmed! When I am ill or exhausted I am unable to control the muscles in my face, and everything literally drops, at the moment I can't really open my right eye for very long. So I decided to come to bed, quickly write this and have an early night - determined not to kill myself. Besides, friends of ours are getting married at the weekend and I want to be well enough to look fabulous and thinner in my pretty green dress!! So vain!
So todays weight is 12 stone 3 - bearing in mind this is the evening, it bodes well for the morning! I haven't calculated calories in a long time, I start this again tomorrow, it makes me stricter with my food - I actually care! The fact that I stopped writing everything down meant I stopped thinking. I often think I do such things like this because I am execting to fail. Its almost as if I plan to fail before I accidentally fail - so I am in control. I don't know if that makes sense? Its almost like a self preservation thing, a self destruct button.
Anyhoo, this evenings dinner was lovely - and back to good old healthy stuff. Firstly a morccan veg couscous. Onion, garlic, pepper, grated carrot, mushrooms and greens, cooked down with a splash of cider vinegar, salt, pepper, splash of lemon juice, moroccan spice (some jar we picked up) and some water. This was cooked until tender then removing the lid, allowed to evaporate. I just use Tesco cous-cous packets and the moroccan one is particularly good. I cooked this separately then added to the veg just before serving so that it didnt go too soggy and gloopy - there is nothing worse than gloopy cous-cous!
On top of this a had a tuna steak. Having splashed it with lime juice and soy sauce, then srinkled with black pepper and chili before making the cous-cous, I flash fried it in a dry pan, similar to how you would cook steak. Ok, I left it for a little bit too long, but my it was goooooooooooooooood!
Hope I feel better in the morning, and wake up with a sense of maintenance. This is proving quite hard to keep up, just because my motivation and will power are both quite weak. It takes very little to knock it. Most of my positive emotions take very little to knock. I don't know why. I think its pathetic that I need so much encouragement and assurance from people throughout my life, in various aspects. I wish I was a stronger person in my own mind. for a little while I was, and it was the food that was doing it.
I just have to get reaquainted with a very good friend.
Hope you are all well. and hope someone is still reading.
Nx
Showing posts with label counting calories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label counting calories. Show all posts
Tuesday, 4 March 2008
Saturday, 2 February 2008
Not a Friend of Dorothy, But Thinner!
Aarggh.
I would like to cry, but I am too confused!! On Thursday night when I went for my me-time, I wandered into Brantano Shoes. I found some gorgeous red clarkes shoes with 40% off!! woo hoo! my internal monologue screamed! I walked down to clarks just to check.
They were indeed clarks shoes, but had not come into clarks shops yet, they were a new range that Brantano can get early. So I toddled back, tried them on and strutted about the shop. Wonderful! Red shoes, a vintage syle, clarks and 40% off. I all but ran to the counter. I had my dorothy shoes.
So, Friday morning I wanted to wear them with my red and black ensemble. Left foot in! Right foot . . . . . . wouldn't go. I could not get the right shoe on. I was very confused. I checked the lable, still size 8. The shoes never left my sight in the shop - they were still the shoes I bought. I forced my foot in and realised I couldn't walk in them without ripping my ankle to shreds. I was very upset. Thing is, I know feet swell, but surely they are fatter at night, not in the morning? Surely, the shoes should have fit better in the morning?!!
They still wouldn't fit last night. I am sulking slightly. The answer? I am going to wrap a potatoe, shove it down the toe and leave on the radiator. Hopefully it will stretch slightly and my fat feet will get to fit into my beautiful new shoes!
Anyway, updates for 2nd Feb:-
Chest: - 36" or aprox. 92cm
Waist:- 31" or aprox. 79cm
Hips:- 39" or aprox. 99cm
weight:- 12 stone 5lbs
Height:- 5' 8"
This is quite a change now from the first week - I was expecting a bigger difference to be honest this week, or at least hoping. But it goes to show that watching your calorie intake and adding some light exercise into your day, really really does work!
So since the beginning, I have lost 2 inches on my chest, 3 inches on my waist, 3 inches on my hips and lost 10lbs!!!!!! The last bit makes me feel fabulous!
Right, I am off to fix those bloody shoes!
Nx
I would like to cry, but I am too confused!! On Thursday night when I went for my me-time, I wandered into Brantano Shoes. I found some gorgeous red clarkes shoes with 40% off!! woo hoo! my internal monologue screamed! I walked down to clarks just to check.
They were indeed clarks shoes, but had not come into clarks shops yet, they were a new range that Brantano can get early. So I toddled back, tried them on and strutted about the shop. Wonderful! Red shoes, a vintage syle, clarks and 40% off. I all but ran to the counter. I had my dorothy shoes.
So, Friday morning I wanted to wear them with my red and black ensemble. Left foot in! Right foot . . . . . . wouldn't go. I could not get the right shoe on. I was very confused. I checked the lable, still size 8. The shoes never left my sight in the shop - they were still the shoes I bought. I forced my foot in and realised I couldn't walk in them without ripping my ankle to shreds. I was very upset. Thing is, I know feet swell, but surely they are fatter at night, not in the morning? Surely, the shoes should have fit better in the morning?!!
They still wouldn't fit last night. I am sulking slightly. The answer? I am going to wrap a potatoe, shove it down the toe and leave on the radiator. Hopefully it will stretch slightly and my fat feet will get to fit into my beautiful new shoes!
Anyway, updates for 2nd Feb:-
Chest: - 36" or aprox. 92cm
Waist:- 31" or aprox. 79cm
Hips:- 39" or aprox. 99cm
weight:- 12 stone 5lbs
Height:- 5' 8"
This is quite a change now from the first week - I was expecting a bigger difference to be honest this week, or at least hoping. But it goes to show that watching your calorie intake and adding some light exercise into your day, really really does work!
So since the beginning, I have lost 2 inches on my chest, 3 inches on my waist, 3 inches on my hips and lost 10lbs!!!!!! The last bit makes me feel fabulous!
Right, I am off to fix those bloody shoes!
Nx
Saturday, 19 January 2008
Updated Statistics
Well, this is the 3rd Saturday of my project, so thought I would have an update and a re-measure. It is working!!!!! There is a change already - which is the most refreshing thing. There never seems any point to continuing if you don't notice a change - I have noticed a change not only in my body, but in myself. I am much happier in general, much more confident and I have more energy. Its fabulous! So here are the previous statistics and todays measurements . . . .
Vital Statistics 5/1/08
Waist = 34" or aprox. 86cm
Hips = 42" 0r aprox 107cm
Height = 5' 8"
Weight = 13 stone 1 lb
Vital Statistics 19/1/08
Chest = 37" or aprox 94cm
Waist = 32" or aprox 81cm
Hips = 41" or aprox 10cm
Height = 5'8"
Weight = 12 stone 10 lb
Woo! Yeah! Go me!!! Heehee!
If I never needed any encouragement to keep this up, its this change. OK, its not radical, ok its not massive amounts, but its enough to make me keep going, to keep plodding on each day!
Basically, Ive made sure each morning I have a bowl of special K with skimmed milk and a gless of fruit juice. At lunch I have a bowl of soup - currently eating Heinz Big Soups which are surpirsingly good value in the calorie department. I also make sure I have a couple of pieces of fruit during the day and my evening meal which averages between 450 - 650 calories each. I am also making sure I go for a brisk walk each night. Some nights I don't feel too much like it so just do a coupld of laps of our block, but most nights I manage to do at least a mile. Just takes half and hour, I get some fresh air and some exercise. Its nothing really - just do it when theres a programme on you dont want to watch!
At some point in the future I will brave returning to he rowing machine which is currently folded up in our dining room, but for now, the walking will suffice.
I'm really starting to like my life again!
Nx
Friday, 18 January 2008
The Weird and Wonderful World of Weight Loss (a long monologue)
Having watched Dispatches on channel 4 the other night about whats in our food, I got quite interested in some of the weird and wonderful diets out there. Now, I am not advocating any of the following, I certainly am not planning on following any of these! Anyway, I came accross this website; http://choosers.ivillage.co.uk/diet/ which has an A-Z list of "the Good, The Quirky, and The Ugly" diets which are available. Very interesting read actually.
Following research and personal experience I decided write some of these ideas down;
The Scarsdale Diet - I had never heard of this one before, until this week. A colleague is following this diet plan which basically involves eating lean meat, fruit and veg. Ok, you might think. She has lost 8 pounds in less than 2 weeks, this scares me. Surely a sensible amount is 2-3 pounds a week? I dunno. Maybe I just don't have the commitment for such a regime.
Atkins - really? meat and fat? I understand you introduce small amounts of carbs daily, but this is never going to be sustainable, surely?!!
Skinny Bitch Diet - Posh Spice. Need I say more.
The Beverly Hills Diet - all about combinations. You are not allowed to eat meat and carbs together. Not have a roast dinner? Not have chili and chips? Curry and rice? Lasagna? What exactly can you eat on the same plate other than chicken and salad (all very nice in summer, but all the time?!!) No.
The Maple Syrup Diet - I kid you not! This is 'recommended' for 7 days only. And when you read what you are supposed to follow, you can see why. "Replacing normal food for a liquid only diet of water, lemon juice, with maple and palm tree syrup, spiced up with cayenne pepper or ginger." Ooooooo Yummy!! Sign me up for that and a week of squitz! Nice.
The Baby Food Diet - Really?
Now for some alternative, non published diets, some home remedies you might say;
The Gregg Barton Diet - bless Gregg. At university when Gregg decided he had to make himself more beautiful, he developed his own sense of diet. This would consist of his normal meals, be it a half parisian baguette from the Lancaster University Spar Deli, or steak and chips in wetherspoons; but the diet bit came in when ordering, "I'll have the 10oz steak, chips, pepper sauce, onion rings . . . . oh and a large side salad!" That was about it. It was a diet as long as you had a salad on the side; fish and chips with salad - diet; donnner kebab, chili sauce and mayo with salad - diet; lard fried in lard with salad - diet. I mock you Gregg, but I still love you!
The 'Drunken, Uninsured, Moped Driving Idiot' diet - This one is tried and tested. This was the last time I felt truly fabulous about my weight, however less impressed about my lack of car. During my first year teaching in Lancaster, some complete *many expletives deleted*, sozzled out of his brain, rode his scooter flat out down our street at 2 am while I was sleeping soundly. He failed to see the bright red Polo parked beneath a street light with no other vehicles around it. He decided he would like to bounce off my car, shred his scooter and render my mode of transport completely imobile. It was a rght-off. So for the next few weeks while my uncle tried to do something to my car to make it road worthy, I had to walk to work. Anyone who knows Lancaster, this involved walking from the very low down river lune, to the very top of Bowerham hill. Took ages, but my god I felt good!
The Heart-Breaker - not recommened. Basically when a loved one suddenly leaves or dies and you become so consumed with grief that you physially cannot eat. Luckily I have thus far escaped this, food is my friend and it would never leave me.
The Ball-Breaker - once the greiving period for the bugger that dumped you begins to move on, the anger sets in. During this period you are so consumed with hate - and quite frankly too busy cutting up the ex's belongings, ripping out the tummies to their stuffed teddies, and burning their shoes - to even notice you are hungry. Food is less important than sharing your rath with the world!
The Chewing Gum Diet - a new release. Doctors have finally realised that if you are stupid enough to eat 25 -30 sticks of chewing gum a day, you are going to get the squitz. Unpleasant but lots of weight lost.
The "I don't eat 'til Tea Time" Diet - again, tried and tested. Again, not recommended. This is my life style which I am trying to change. Since school I remember not eating breakfast or dinner, I would just have my tea about 7pm. Once I stopped playing sports etc at college, I quickly realised that I actually put on weight. This is because my body would think it was pretty much starving, it didn't know when it was going to ge fed again, so it stored all the bad stuff! Obviously very healthy.
The coke diet (no.1) - The "Supersize Big Mac, supersize fries, extra onion rings . . . . and a diet coke please," diet. Yeah, because those people are intelligent!
The coke diet (no.2) - I am sure advocated by some people out there. Basically involves a 30 a day habit, hanging out in trendy bars with trendy people and doing a line of coke off some skanky toilet. You get thin, but also run the risk of vomiting up a lung.
And then there's my current diet . . . .
The Nat Diet 08 - Become aware of what calories and fat are in food. Eat what I like but in moderation - I am still having curries that I love and a little bit of chocolate. Cook good food and love doing it. Get some exercise - I am walking roughly a mile a night I think.
and most imporantly - enjoy yourself.
Diets should not be a crash thing, it shouldn't be because you simply have to fit into that dress; it should be because you want to make a positive difference to your life, because it makes you happy, because it makes you healthy. It should be sustainable and become the fabric of your relationship with food. A diet is not about losing weight, its about eating right for YOUR body.
Night night,
Nx
Following research and personal experience I decided write some of these ideas down;
The Scarsdale Diet - I had never heard of this one before, until this week. A colleague is following this diet plan which basically involves eating lean meat, fruit and veg. Ok, you might think. She has lost 8 pounds in less than 2 weeks, this scares me. Surely a sensible amount is 2-3 pounds a week? I dunno. Maybe I just don't have the commitment for such a regime.
Atkins - really? meat and fat? I understand you introduce small amounts of carbs daily, but this is never going to be sustainable, surely?!!
Skinny Bitch Diet - Posh Spice. Need I say more.
The Beverly Hills Diet - all about combinations. You are not allowed to eat meat and carbs together. Not have a roast dinner? Not have chili and chips? Curry and rice? Lasagna? What exactly can you eat on the same plate other than chicken and salad (all very nice in summer, but all the time?!!) No.
The Maple Syrup Diet - I kid you not! This is 'recommended' for 7 days only. And when you read what you are supposed to follow, you can see why. "Replacing normal food for a liquid only diet of water, lemon juice, with maple and palm tree syrup, spiced up with cayenne pepper or ginger." Ooooooo Yummy!! Sign me up for that and a week of squitz! Nice.
The Baby Food Diet - Really?
Now for some alternative, non published diets, some home remedies you might say;
The Gregg Barton Diet - bless Gregg. At university when Gregg decided he had to make himself more beautiful, he developed his own sense of diet. This would consist of his normal meals, be it a half parisian baguette from the Lancaster University Spar Deli, or steak and chips in wetherspoons; but the diet bit came in when ordering, "I'll have the 10oz steak, chips, pepper sauce, onion rings . . . . oh and a large side salad!" That was about it. It was a diet as long as you had a salad on the side; fish and chips with salad - diet; donnner kebab, chili sauce and mayo with salad - diet; lard fried in lard with salad - diet. I mock you Gregg, but I still love you!
The 'Drunken, Uninsured, Moped Driving Idiot' diet - This one is tried and tested. This was the last time I felt truly fabulous about my weight, however less impressed about my lack of car. During my first year teaching in Lancaster, some complete *many expletives deleted*, sozzled out of his brain, rode his scooter flat out down our street at 2 am while I was sleeping soundly. He failed to see the bright red Polo parked beneath a street light with no other vehicles around it. He decided he would like to bounce off my car, shred his scooter and render my mode of transport completely imobile. It was a rght-off. So for the next few weeks while my uncle tried to do something to my car to make it road worthy, I had to walk to work. Anyone who knows Lancaster, this involved walking from the very low down river lune, to the very top of Bowerham hill. Took ages, but my god I felt good!
The Heart-Breaker - not recommened. Basically when a loved one suddenly leaves or dies and you become so consumed with grief that you physially cannot eat. Luckily I have thus far escaped this, food is my friend and it would never leave me.
The Ball-Breaker - once the greiving period for the bugger that dumped you begins to move on, the anger sets in. During this period you are so consumed with hate - and quite frankly too busy cutting up the ex's belongings, ripping out the tummies to their stuffed teddies, and burning their shoes - to even notice you are hungry. Food is less important than sharing your rath with the world!
The Chewing Gum Diet - a new release. Doctors have finally realised that if you are stupid enough to eat 25 -30 sticks of chewing gum a day, you are going to get the squitz. Unpleasant but lots of weight lost.
The "I don't eat 'til Tea Time" Diet - again, tried and tested. Again, not recommended. This is my life style which I am trying to change. Since school I remember not eating breakfast or dinner, I would just have my tea about 7pm. Once I stopped playing sports etc at college, I quickly realised that I actually put on weight. This is because my body would think it was pretty much starving, it didn't know when it was going to ge fed again, so it stored all the bad stuff! Obviously very healthy.
The coke diet (no.1) - The "Supersize Big Mac, supersize fries, extra onion rings . . . . and a diet coke please," diet. Yeah, because those people are intelligent!
The coke diet (no.2) - I am sure advocated by some people out there. Basically involves a 30 a day habit, hanging out in trendy bars with trendy people and doing a line of coke off some skanky toilet. You get thin, but also run the risk of vomiting up a lung.
And then there's my current diet . . . .
The Nat Diet 08 - Become aware of what calories and fat are in food. Eat what I like but in moderation - I am still having curries that I love and a little bit of chocolate. Cook good food and love doing it. Get some exercise - I am walking roughly a mile a night I think.
and most imporantly - enjoy yourself.
Diets should not be a crash thing, it shouldn't be because you simply have to fit into that dress; it should be because you want to make a positive difference to your life, because it makes you happy, because it makes you healthy. It should be sustainable and become the fabric of your relationship with food. A diet is not about losing weight, its about eating right for YOUR body.
Night night,
Nx
Wednesday, 16 January 2008
What a Difference a Day Makes
Interesting day. Yet again woke up feeling well rested and brave! I quite like this new feeling in me, I've never really felt brave before. Ok, with all things considered, choosing a slightly different outfit is hardly brave. Its not exactly climbing Everest or fighting in Iraq or eating a Big Mac; all those things need real, true bravery. But ths is bravery for me.
So, I donned my black trousers (which usually have rolls of muffin top sticking over them), my new (yes I spent money! oops) long black polka dot top over a red vesty thing, and tightened myself up with my new red belt. I felt fantastic!! I marched around school all day with tons of confidence! Within five minutes of walking down a corridor, five people all stopped me to say how lovely I looked. Head swelling and ego fighting back, I could feel my confidence and 'fit body fit mind' ideals shining out of me. One of my colleagues even said she was going to bring me in some shoes to match the outfit as they didn't fit her! Excellent!!
I know this all sounds massively bigheaded but it's such a long time since I felt that good. From side on I thought I looked quite slender and from front on I had a waist!! Although, I did realise I could no longer sit down!! God help all those poor women that wear corsets etc, one small belt was enough for me! Every time I sat down I felt like I had a rod up my back trying to stop the cascade of flab over the belt! This will do wonders for my posture!
Anyway, I left work early today so I could go home and flounce about the house feeling fabulous and spend some time with Steve. However, I don't quite know what happened but this wonderful, addictive feeling I've had all day just seemed to . . . evaporate.
I got out of my new favourite outfit and put on my jeans and big baggy top. Suddenly I was a frump again. Suddenly I felt fat again, suddenly I felt like a complete waste of space. It wasn't the clothes, I could feel I was on my way down anyway. Now its taking all my energy not to go to the mini tesco and buy a hoard of crap to eat. I really really really want to stuff my mouth with something thick and creamy and chocolatey. I want to feel like I did this morning. I just don't know why it changed.
Tea was awful. I had no motivation to cook anything interesting. I did attempt to make a healthy veggie sauce to go with gnocchi and chicken (done on my George). The chicken was lovely, the sauce and gnocchi was somewhere between baby food and the bottom of a compost bin. Not pleasant. So I am now also starving which is not helping with my overwhelming craving to binge. Not sure I am going to be able to stop myself - I just have to try and stay in the house, might not be an idea to go for a walk tonight. Such a weak excuse.
Anyway, calorie count today is around 1200 although I only ate half my tea so count probably closer to 1000. Need something else to eat but have little motivation.
Sorry to be so melancholoy, I am aware there are more important things in life. I just can't believe how shallow I am that an outfit can alter my entire being. This is all a hell of a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.
Tata for now.
Nx
So, I donned my black trousers (which usually have rolls of muffin top sticking over them), my new (yes I spent money! oops) long black polka dot top over a red vesty thing, and tightened myself up with my new red belt. I felt fantastic!! I marched around school all day with tons of confidence! Within five minutes of walking down a corridor, five people all stopped me to say how lovely I looked. Head swelling and ego fighting back, I could feel my confidence and 'fit body fit mind' ideals shining out of me. One of my colleagues even said she was going to bring me in some shoes to match the outfit as they didn't fit her! Excellent!!
I know this all sounds massively bigheaded but it's such a long time since I felt that good. From side on I thought I looked quite slender and from front on I had a waist!! Although, I did realise I could no longer sit down!! God help all those poor women that wear corsets etc, one small belt was enough for me! Every time I sat down I felt like I had a rod up my back trying to stop the cascade of flab over the belt! This will do wonders for my posture!
Anyway, I left work early today so I could go home and flounce about the house feeling fabulous and spend some time with Steve. However, I don't quite know what happened but this wonderful, addictive feeling I've had all day just seemed to . . . evaporate.
I got out of my new favourite outfit and put on my jeans and big baggy top. Suddenly I was a frump again. Suddenly I felt fat again, suddenly I felt like a complete waste of space. It wasn't the clothes, I could feel I was on my way down anyway. Now its taking all my energy not to go to the mini tesco and buy a hoard of crap to eat. I really really really want to stuff my mouth with something thick and creamy and chocolatey. I want to feel like I did this morning. I just don't know why it changed.
Tea was awful. I had no motivation to cook anything interesting. I did attempt to make a healthy veggie sauce to go with gnocchi and chicken (done on my George). The chicken was lovely, the sauce and gnocchi was somewhere between baby food and the bottom of a compost bin. Not pleasant. So I am now also starving which is not helping with my overwhelming craving to binge. Not sure I am going to be able to stop myself - I just have to try and stay in the house, might not be an idea to go for a walk tonight. Such a weak excuse.
Anyway, calorie count today is around 1200 although I only ate half my tea so count probably closer to 1000. Need something else to eat but have little motivation.
Sorry to be so melancholoy, I am aware there are more important things in life. I just can't believe how shallow I am that an outfit can alter my entire being. This is all a hell of a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.
Tata for now.
Nx
Monday, 14 January 2008
Belts and B*tches
Hooray!! The last week has done a little I suppose - not really sure how much is appropriate to lose in one week. This morning I was 12 stone 12!! Hooray!!! It made me quite cheery so today I got a little more 'daring' with my outfit. I put on the black dress that had previously prompted 'those' looks, with quite a 50s looking teal cardy over the top. I then used the belt of the dress to sinch in my waist a little over the top of the cardigan. Matched with my high heels I felt confident and happy when I left the house.
Once I took off the never fail green coat, I started to feel a little anxious. I knew one of the first people I would see would be the woman who had me feel so monstrous on the dress' last outing. With courage, my chin held high, my waist belted and my stomach sucked in as far as it was humanly possible, I entered the room where she, and other evil eyed people were. "Morning Nat," echoed the voices. And that was it. No looks either evil or complimentary. As I'm not their biggest fan at the best of times, this pleased me. At least I didn't look so bad that I had to be judged on the spot. The fact that they said nothing positive doesnt really matter - thats just par for the course I think. However, another colleague came in to my room at the end of the day just to tell methey thought I looked lovely today. This made everything worth it!!
This however, did not help my bank balance so much. Filled with my rebuilding confidence, I floated into Sainsbury's on the way home where I bought a new top and three new belts!!!! I figure if I'm getting my waist back I may as well try and draw some attention to it. However, one of the belts does need taking back as it is too big!!!! I couldn't be bothered taking my coat off to try it on - that'll teach me to be lazy!
Anyhoo, calorie content a little higher tonight as I made pork penang, so I'm currently on 1300 calories. Nice mug of turkish delight options later (only 34 calories a cup!!) should fnish the day off perfectly.
Back to trackies though tomorrow - can you wear a polka dot top and teal belt with those?
Nx
Once I took off the never fail green coat, I started to feel a little anxious. I knew one of the first people I would see would be the woman who had me feel so monstrous on the dress' last outing. With courage, my chin held high, my waist belted and my stomach sucked in as far as it was humanly possible, I entered the room where she, and other evil eyed people were. "Morning Nat," echoed the voices. And that was it. No looks either evil or complimentary. As I'm not their biggest fan at the best of times, this pleased me. At least I didn't look so bad that I had to be judged on the spot. The fact that they said nothing positive doesnt really matter - thats just par for the course I think. However, another colleague came in to my room at the end of the day just to tell methey thought I looked lovely today. This made everything worth it!!
This however, did not help my bank balance so much. Filled with my rebuilding confidence, I floated into Sainsbury's on the way home where I bought a new top and three new belts!!!! I figure if I'm getting my waist back I may as well try and draw some attention to it. However, one of the belts does need taking back as it is too big!!!! I couldn't be bothered taking my coat off to try it on - that'll teach me to be lazy!
Anyhoo, calorie content a little higher tonight as I made pork penang, so I'm currently on 1300 calories. Nice mug of turkish delight options later (only 34 calories a cup!!) should fnish the day off perfectly.
Back to trackies though tomorrow - can you wear a polka dot top and teal belt with those?
Nx
Monday, 7 January 2008
Physical Education or Fancy Dress as a Chav day? (I hate trackies)
I promise to be much quicker tonight! Not too long as there's some good food telly tonight. I believe there is a new series of master chef on bbc 2 which I hope to catch. I love watching amature cooking stuff as I often feel, "I could do better than that!" It also leads me to start imagining I'm on the programme every time I cook!! Ok, he doesn't present it now, but I alway get images of Lloyd Grossman commentating on how I was slicing my pepper, or congratulating me on my inventive choice of spices - obviously I always win! I am awesome!
I may seem smug, but I am usually rather pleased with what I cook. I'm just not allowed to cook when I am over tired - Steve will tell you how my food does generally taste like rotten cabbage when i'm tired!! Granted, sometimes it is rotten cabbage but he will never know!
Anyway, the routine worked for today - cereal as usual, couple of clementines, soup again (the last of this bach of tom yum - gutted!), soy coated salmon with veg fried rice for tea (in the smallest amount of extra virgin olive oil poss) and drinks for today has put me on around 1200 cals, give or take. Have also been on a brisk walk with Steve this evening which http://caloriecount.about.com/ suggests has burned about 208 cals.
The walk was interesting though, Steve decided he was playing 'games', obviously without my knowledge. They seemed to involve me being flung into lamp posts, bushes, bollards, fences, bush shelters, roads etc. You would have thought after 15 minutes of this I would have got wise to his oh-so-entertainning game, but no. I am obviously a moron!! He apparently won all these games! Idiot.
As for http://caloriecount.about.com/, this was recommended to me by the lovely Cie (Second Hand Shopper - click the link for a really good read! Even if you don't really like fashion, it'll make you want to buy things!!). Its quite a good website actually. I don't use it completely, it's just a good point of reference. It has lists of nutritional information about seemingly any food stuff, and also lists of exercise (no matter how minimal - one of them was "Walking - seeding a lawn") and how many calrories it burns. You can even type in whole recipes and it will calculate the nutritional values for you. It is supposed to be used to keep a tally of each days foods etc, but I do that in Nats Fat Book, but its deffinitly worth a look!
I promised I'd keep this short and I'm waffling again!! Tomorrow I have double PE. Now, I haven't taught PE for almost a year. Due to my PPA time (planning, preparation and assessment) and various other activities, my class has ended up being taught by someone else for at least 2 terms. This means however, I have to wear my tracksuit bottoms. Now these are more than a little tight, to the point where you can see about 4 inches of leg between trouser bottom and trainner. What do I do? Do I go to school thinking, "Sod you all, you're only 10, what do you care that I look like a beached whale dressed as a scally?!!" Or do I chicken out and just claim, "I forgot my kit miss," and do it in normal clothes? decisions, decisions, decisions.
I think the answer will only come when trying to dress in the dark in the morning - best excuse ever for looking like crap at work!
Cheers for all the messages of support and pieces of info, hope this means people feel a little bit better about talking about food more openly.
Cheerio,
Nx
I may seem smug, but I am usually rather pleased with what I cook. I'm just not allowed to cook when I am over tired - Steve will tell you how my food does generally taste like rotten cabbage when i'm tired!! Granted, sometimes it is rotten cabbage but he will never know!
Anyway, the routine worked for today - cereal as usual, couple of clementines, soup again (the last of this bach of tom yum - gutted!), soy coated salmon with veg fried rice for tea (in the smallest amount of extra virgin olive oil poss) and drinks for today has put me on around 1200 cals, give or take. Have also been on a brisk walk with Steve this evening which http://caloriecount.about.com/ suggests has burned about 208 cals.
The walk was interesting though, Steve decided he was playing 'games', obviously without my knowledge. They seemed to involve me being flung into lamp posts, bushes, bollards, fences, bush shelters, roads etc. You would have thought after 15 minutes of this I would have got wise to his oh-so-entertainning game, but no. I am obviously a moron!! He apparently won all these games! Idiot.
As for http://caloriecount.about.com/, this was recommended to me by the lovely Cie (Second Hand Shopper - click the link for a really good read! Even if you don't really like fashion, it'll make you want to buy things!!). Its quite a good website actually. I don't use it completely, it's just a good point of reference. It has lists of nutritional information about seemingly any food stuff, and also lists of exercise (no matter how minimal - one of them was "Walking - seeding a lawn") and how many calrories it burns. You can even type in whole recipes and it will calculate the nutritional values for you. It is supposed to be used to keep a tally of each days foods etc, but I do that in Nats Fat Book, but its deffinitly worth a look!
I promised I'd keep this short and I'm waffling again!! Tomorrow I have double PE. Now, I haven't taught PE for almost a year. Due to my PPA time (planning, preparation and assessment) and various other activities, my class has ended up being taught by someone else for at least 2 terms. This means however, I have to wear my tracksuit bottoms. Now these are more than a little tight, to the point where you can see about 4 inches of leg between trouser bottom and trainner. What do I do? Do I go to school thinking, "Sod you all, you're only 10, what do you care that I look like a beached whale dressed as a scally?!!" Or do I chicken out and just claim, "I forgot my kit miss," and do it in normal clothes? decisions, decisions, decisions.
I think the answer will only come when trying to dress in the dark in the morning - best excuse ever for looking like crap at work!
Cheers for all the messages of support and pieces of info, hope this means people feel a little bit better about talking about food more openly.
Cheerio,
Nx
Sunday, 6 January 2008
Lies, Regimes and Ranting.
well, back at work tomorrow after a wonderful christmas and new year! Strangely I didn't eat too much over the festive period, my weight has gone down a little since I finished school on the 21st!! My festive miracle!! The photo is of me and Steve wombling about in the rain at Stirling Castle on New Years Eve with the lovely Lynne and Pete (photo courtesy of the wonderful Miss Lynne Osgathorpe).
No, tomorrow signals that start of the hard work I think. My biggest issue when I am in work is that I don't usually eat until I leave work. I know this sounds ludicrous and lots of people don't understand it, but I have never been one to eat breakfast. With my own drive, motivation, desire to do my job to the best of my ability and lets face it, stupidity, I rarely have lunch either. I often find I don't have time. I am no good at 'eating on the run', I like to sit and enjoy my food. Also, as I adore food so much, I don't often relish packed lunches. I certainly do not relish the idea of school dinners (I have actually seen, with my own eyes, chicken served with a cornflake crust!! And it's usually cold!!). So I basically wouldn't eat until I go home. Some days I didn't even notice that I hadn't eaten or drunk anything until 6.30 or later.
Lets face it, this is completely unhealthy. I believe my body was storing fat to compensate for the 'when the bloody hell are you going to feed me?' question it was constantly asking. And just as the special K adverts say, people with regular eating patterns tend to be healthier. So the hard task will be to force myself to have breakfast, even harder to force myself to actually sit down for ten minutes at lunch.
I'm not really inspired by our staff room either, which doesn't help. I don't like to eat at my desk - it's that full of crap I fear I might lose more tupperware (the cupboard elves manage to steal enough of it!). But no one really goes into the staffroom. It's not a close staff really, well not in the juniors. There are cliques and individuals. I like to see myself as an individual but that does mean you spend quite a lot of time on your own. Not to bother though, I don't have the most amount of time to socialise at school - I'm not complainning, I make my own bed etc etc.
Anyway, I'm waffling - so, it's basically learning to force feed myself during the day. This will probably boost my calorie count, but it will undoubtedly actually help me maintain a healthier lifestyle and a more balanced body weight. It will also stop me binging on my way home and stuffing myself when I get in. I have been known to eat two chocolate bars and a bag of crisps on my 20 minute drive home, then come in and eat half a block of cheese (with chutney), or slices of toast, biscuits, anything I could get my hands on. Then an hour later cook tea. Its a disgusting habit. I hate myself when I binge. But it happens. more often than it should though. I binge because I'm sad, or stressed, or hating my job, or hating myself, or feeling alone. Pretty much any negative feeling I comfort with food, but lots of it.
Earlier last year, Steve was away for a few weeks (China fo 3 with work, then shortly after Vegas in preparation for his new career as poker god!). Many nights I binged. But in my head it was 'ok' because a) I was going to the gym, and b) no one could see me. If no one could see me then it wasn't really happening. An example binge would be - M&S prawn cocktail (whole tub), a ready meal for two (e.g. moussaka or lasagna), garlic bread, an entire cheesecake (ok not in one go, but certainly in one day), and a whole jar of nutella (small one eaten with a spoon!). This was an evening. OK not every evening but it still happened.
I would also look forward to half terms as one day out of the week I would order a whole dominoes pizza and all its extras for my lunch. I am a disgusting pig. I haven't done it in a while, probably because Steve works from home now. He doesn't know any of this yet, so we will see if he is reading my blog!! Heehee! I'm being honest about it now because I need to be. But also because I know other people have done it too. A very good friend of mine was known to eat half a loaf of bread in one sitting even though alergic to it (I hope she doesn't mind me mentioning this, it's not as if its happened for a long while - i love you!!). But through listening to others I realised its not just me, other people are also going through hell related to food!
The press and tv etc has so much to blame for this. And possibly parents to some extent (everyone is slightly screwed up from childhood - lets be honest!). We all know we are in a culture where body image and foodhabits are at the forefront, particularly for women. Regardless of how many times a sensible, intelligent woman says, "Oh I don't take notice of that stuff, it's all rubbish, I know better," she still cares. It still affects her. Some people's aim is to make their stomach concave due to this. Other women lose confidence and dislike themselves because of this. Some women use food as a comfort because they don't have the confidence to believe they are worthy if they don't look like what society deems is acceptable. This may sound a little extreme but its true to some extent with the vast majority of Britain's women (and men, let's not forget our better half of society . . . . ahem.). Lilly Allen is a perfect example of todays culture. A gorgeous girl with fantastic curves and confidence, we all thought. "Screw them!", she wasn't going to be another clone, another stick. And look whats happened to her. Fame, fortune and the culture got to her. She lost weight, and yeah she looks good, yeah she's probably healthier and yeah she probably feels better. But something of a spark has gone from her. Some of her life and confidence. Ok, it's better than her trying to overdose, but I was so inspired by her two fingers up to the skinnies. Never mind.
Anyway, I'm not aiming for skinny. I'm aiming for happy!
Wishing myself good luck with the new regime tomorrow - will let you know how it goes.
Today's calorie count: 1200
Today's exercise: 1 mile march around Brookvale park.
Hope you're all well!
Nx
Saturday, 5 January 2008
Scary food, thai soup and a frozen chicken.
(Recipes Included! Just bypass the waffle if you like - they're at the end.)
Ok, so this is day two of my 'awakening' and how scared am I about what is actually in food?!!! How thick am I never to have realised what is in stuff?? We went to good old Tesco yesterday (my spiritual home - and Elena's) and got the shopping in (Obviously, although I have been known to go to tesco and just stare at the shiny lights . . . . .ahem.) Anyway, thought I would just get our normal shop and actually record the calorie and fat content.
I just want to point out that although this sounds a little obsessive, it is not strictly a diet. Its all the stuff I would normally use I just wish to make myself aware. So, having banned Steve from putting anything away, I wrote everything down in Nat's Fat Book. Basically this has meant that I can physically see what I am putting into my body. Yes it took ages, yes I was bored, yes I got funny looks from my boyfriend, and yes the chicken nearly defrosted, but from now on I have a list of ingredients I use with their 'healthy' content. I need to register what a portion actually looks like instead of cooking the mountains of food I do as if I have a small country to cater for.
So, the last two days I have cooked meals I like to cook but actually thought about the claories and fat in them. I have actually adapted my recipes to make them 'healthier' but not lose the taste! I feel quite excited that lower fat and lower calorie food, doesn't actually taste like baby sick!!
So here's the last two days calorie count and the food I ate:-
We had two courses!!
Ok, so this is day two of my 'awakening' and how scared am I about what is actually in food?!!! How thick am I never to have realised what is in stuff?? We went to good old Tesco yesterday (my spiritual home - and Elena's) and got the shopping in (Obviously, although I have been known to go to tesco and just stare at the shiny lights . . . . .ahem.) Anyway, thought I would just get our normal shop and actually record the calorie and fat content.
I just want to point out that although this sounds a little obsessive, it is not strictly a diet. Its all the stuff I would normally use I just wish to make myself aware. So, having banned Steve from putting anything away, I wrote everything down in Nat's Fat Book. Basically this has meant that I can physically see what I am putting into my body. Yes it took ages, yes I was bored, yes I got funny looks from my boyfriend, and yes the chicken nearly defrosted, but from now on I have a list of ingredients I use with their 'healthy' content. I need to register what a portion actually looks like instead of cooking the mountains of food I do as if I have a small country to cater for.
So, the last two days I have cooked meals I like to cook but actually thought about the claories and fat in them. I have actually adapted my recipes to make them 'healthier' but not lose the taste! I feel quite excited that lower fat and lower calorie food, doesn't actually taste like baby sick!!
So here's the last two days calorie count and the food I ate:-
4/1/08
Very bad day - I only ate at tea time (dinner for those people south of brum or just less northern than me).We had two courses!!
Thai Soup (homemade - recipe at the bottom) aprox 50cals
Red Beef Curry and rice (75g is apparently a portion but it was too much for me) aprox 525 cals
Obviously, the curry is quite high, but I know how to adapt it now. I don't need as much rice, I can quite happily use the low fat coconut milk (it actually makes a better curry) and only rarely use beef - I usually use chicken which is obviously better. But this is a normal tea for me, this is not a diet tea. But it just shows, you can have what you want (within reason) as long as you are willing to adapt slightly.
So with the clementine before bed I consumed around 610 cals (little bit of milk in my tea included!). I also went for 25 minute march up and down the streets on our road - my neighbours might be thinking I'm a little strange now!
5/1/08
A much better day! I have eaten quite well, been quite hungry as I have refused to snack! But it'll get better.
Breakfast
Special K Red Berries with skimmed milk and glass of apple juice - 248 cals
Dinner
Bowl of Thai Soup and a clementine - 76 Cals (and I was stuffed - seriously read the recipe its sooooooooooooooooo lovely)
Tea
Piri-Piri prawns with vegetable cous-cous and a half a clementine (steve is an evil thief!) 290 cals - AMAZING!
So with my ovaltine light (yes I am actually and 80 year old woman) and a couple of other drinks (other than water) I have consumed around 725 cals today, and been for a 20 minute march around the lake (now the ducks think I'm strange too - the swans understood!)
I'm actually really pleased with this, as these meals are fairly typical, its just about portion control which is a 'developing skill' of mine!
OK, the good stuff . . . . .
Thai Soup (Tom Yum I think)
serves 6-8
My uncle lives in Thailand and his lovely fiance taught me a few dishes, this is my favourite. You can pick up all these ingredients from your local Tesco or other generic multi-functionary superstore!
This is quite spicy but really refreshing. I will often eat it with a little rice as a main meal, or on its own for lunch! The first three ingredients are inedible though, I leave them in to keep the taste but you could remove them once the intial stock is made.
Ingredients
Dried lemongrass (two full size sticks)
Galangal (3 or 4 pieces - check the spice aisle)
2-3 kaffir lime leaves (as above)
some stems of corriander - or corriander root if anyone can find any. If you can please let me know where!!
strips of chicken or pork, or prawns (optional - this would obviously increase callories and fat)
2-3 large chillis
3-4 garlic cloves
6 - 8 shallots (depending on size)
2-3 tomatoes (depending on size)
6 tablespoons LIGHT soy sauce
5 table spoons fish sauce
2 teaspoons sugar
1 tablespoon lime juice.
1. Boil the lemongrass, galangal, lime leaves and corriander stems in two pints of water. Keep covered and prepare other ingredients.
2. Add chicken or pork (not prawns at this point) to the stock when it has a good flavour. I very often don't use any meat and keep it veggy.
3. Blitz together or finly chop the garlic andchilli mix. Add to the soup along with the shallots. Keep pan covered and boiling.
4. Add tomatoes and all other ingredients (including prawns if using) and leave to boil for another few minutes.
5. The soup is ready!!! I also like to chop some spring onions and fresh corriander and add it as almost a 'topping' to the soup - corriander really adds to the fresh taste!
Piri - Piri Prawns and Vegetable Cous-Cous
serves 2
Easy peasy - I usually use chicken but we had the prawns in and they work really well!
Ingredients
25g Tomatoe Puree
20ml Lime Juice
sharwoods piri-piri seasoning
180g King prawns (one box basically)
100g pak choi
100g spinach
1 pepper
50g spring onion
splash white wine vinegar
splash water
salt and pepper
1 packet of Tesco's lemon and corriander cous-cous
1 tomato
fresh corriander
1. Mix together the puree, lime juice, piri-piri seasoning with a little salt and pepper. Mix the prawns or chicken until coated and set aside.
2. chop vegetables and add to pan with the white wine vinegar, water, salt and pepper. Cover and allow to boil, reduce heat and allow veg to cook until soft.
3. Add in cous-cous and another splash of water (don't put in as much as the packet instructions as there is a lot of liquid from the veg, I just added a coupld of sloshes from the kettle!). Stir, cover and leave for five - ten minutes.
4. Heat a wok or other non-stick pan. Put in the prawn/chicken mixture and heat until cooked through.
5. Stir chopped tomatoes and chopped corrianded into cous-cous and serve with prawns!
beautiful!
Let me know if you try these recipes and what you think! If you ever want any more cooking ideas or have some hints for me - shout away!!
Night Night,
Nx
New to this
Well, a new world has just opened up to me!! Having sat there on many occaisions reading the blogs of my friends, I thought I'd have a stab! I'm not really expecting to get anything like the views they get, but even if one person reads my ramblings then I will be very happy!
This is my blog about my fight with the fat I have gathered over the last few years! Im not grotesque but I am currently at the heaviest I have been throughout my entire life - including my thrid year binge at uni!!
Basically I want this to be an online diary of my attempt to lose 2 stone. In the past when I have attempted this I have given in to my lack of will power. The theory is, that if this is in a public domain, however small, I will have no option but to follow through with this evil plan!! I will be shamed into making damn sure I do it! I have a lovely boy, Steve, who is extremely supportive but as I'm sure many ladies out there will know, when you have piled on more than you imagined you would, your confidnce, will power, self esteem, self motivation and general care for life kinda goes out the window. You end up feeling pretty worthless.
Well I for one am sick of feeling crap. About myself and about the world around me. There are undoubtedly other factors, but with me, and many others, my weight seems to rule my whole being. I am essentialy an ambitious, happy person, but both of those qualities have been solowly ebbing from me over the last 12 months or so. Sadly I have only just realised, poor Steve has had to pu up with me being grumpy and low for far too long.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not aiming for the size zero, nothing like it, a size 12 would be wonderful though. But I hate diet plans. To me theres always someone wanting to make money out of people with low self esteem. Ok Rosemary and weight watchers have their successes, as did Mr Atkins (may he RIP), but I can't stick to nazi like regimes that they expect. Neither do I like the 'Posh' or 'Paris' celebrity diets that bloody magazines publish. To me, have an apricot for breakfast, a spoon of cabbage soup for lunch and a twiglet for tea is not my idea of a good days eating.
Which brings me to my major problem in life. I LOVE food!!!! I like to think of myself as a bit of a cook. There is nothing I love more than cooking a huge meal for all my friends to enjoy. I used to think that if I wasn't a teacher I should do something with food! Well, it turns out I do both. I teach during the day and scoff myself at night! However, my food isnt fat fried, or wrapped in cheese (erm, sometimes not strictly true), I thought it was relatively healthy. Well, my rapidly expanding waist line proves that wrong!
So, Each post will hopefully update my weight and calories, ways and means of losing weight, along with the personal hell I am about to enter into!! However, I intend to eat food I love - not a handful of raisins every 2 days!! I am hopefully going to be able to post recipes and ideas that WORK!!! and if it doesn't, well, theres always plastic surgery!!!!! Joke!
I hope this picks up a few friends on the way and maybe, just maybe help someone else. Time will tell. Might depend on just how boring my writing is!
Tomorrow, after some handy tapemeasure work, I am going to post my vital statistics and bare all the gory details - don't worry, I'm not going to do a Gok and put pictures of me in my scraggy underwear on the internet, no, no, any photos of me on here will be clothed!!
Hope to see you soon,
Nx
P.S You may be wondering about the picture; nutshell - this is possibly the only picture of me from recent months that I am happy with. Ok Im green, I'm the wiked Witch of the West, but i felt good and an ex boyfriend said I looked "Damn Hot" in green!!!
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