Having watched Dispatches on channel 4 the other night about whats in our food, I got quite interested in some of the weird and wonderful diets out there. Now, I am not advocating any of the following, I certainly am not planning on following any of these! Anyway, I came accross this website; http://choosers.ivillage.co.uk/diet/ which has an A-Z list of "the Good, The Quirky, and The Ugly" diets which are available. Very interesting read actually.
Following research and personal experience I decided write some of these ideas down;
The Scarsdale Diet - I had never heard of this one before, until this week. A colleague is following this diet plan which basically involves eating lean meat, fruit and veg. Ok, you might think. She has lost 8 pounds in less than 2 weeks, this scares me. Surely a sensible amount is 2-3 pounds a week? I dunno. Maybe I just don't have the commitment for such a regime.
Atkins - really? meat and fat? I understand you introduce small amounts of carbs daily, but this is never going to be sustainable, surely?!!
Skinny Bitch Diet - Posh Spice. Need I say more.
The Beverly Hills Diet - all about combinations. You are not allowed to eat meat and carbs together. Not have a roast dinner? Not have chili and chips? Curry and rice? Lasagna? What exactly can you eat on the same plate other than chicken and salad (all very nice in summer, but all the time?!!) No.
The Maple Syrup Diet - I kid you not! This is 'recommended' for 7 days only. And when you read what you are supposed to follow, you can see why. "Replacing normal food for a liquid only diet of water, lemon juice, with maple and palm tree syrup, spiced up with cayenne pepper or ginger." Ooooooo Yummy!! Sign me up for that and a week of squitz! Nice.
The Baby Food Diet - Really?
Now for some alternative, non published diets, some home remedies you might say;
The Gregg Barton Diet - bless Gregg. At university when Gregg decided he had to make himself more beautiful, he developed his own sense of diet. This would consist of his normal meals, be it a half parisian baguette from the Lancaster University Spar Deli, or steak and chips in wetherspoons; but the diet bit came in when ordering, "I'll have the 10oz steak, chips, pepper sauce, onion rings . . . . oh and a large side salad!" That was about it. It was a diet as long as you had a salad on the side; fish and chips with salad - diet; donnner kebab, chili sauce and mayo with salad - diet; lard fried in lard with salad - diet. I mock you Gregg, but I still love you!
The 'Drunken, Uninsured, Moped Driving Idiot' diet - This one is tried and tested. This was the last time I felt truly fabulous about my weight, however less impressed about my lack of car. During my first year teaching in Lancaster, some complete *many expletives deleted*, sozzled out of his brain, rode his scooter flat out down our street at 2 am while I was sleeping soundly. He failed to see the bright red Polo parked beneath a street light with no other vehicles around it. He decided he would like to bounce off my car, shred his scooter and render my mode of transport completely imobile. It was a rght-off. So for the next few weeks while my uncle tried to do something to my car to make it road worthy, I had to walk to work. Anyone who knows Lancaster, this involved walking from the very low down river lune, to the very top of Bowerham hill. Took ages, but my god I felt good!
The Heart-Breaker - not recommened. Basically when a loved one suddenly leaves or dies and you become so consumed with grief that you physially cannot eat. Luckily I have thus far escaped this, food is my friend and it would never leave me.
The Ball-Breaker - once the greiving period for the bugger that dumped you begins to move on, the anger sets in. During this period you are so consumed with hate - and quite frankly too busy cutting up the ex's belongings, ripping out the tummies to their stuffed teddies, and burning their shoes - to even notice you are hungry. Food is less important than sharing your rath with the world!
The Chewing Gum Diet - a new release. Doctors have finally realised that if you are stupid enough to eat 25 -30 sticks of chewing gum a day, you are going to get the squitz. Unpleasant but lots of weight lost.
The "I don't eat 'til Tea Time" Diet - again, tried and tested. Again, not recommended. This is my life style which I am trying to change. Since school I remember not eating breakfast or dinner, I would just have my tea about 7pm. Once I stopped playing sports etc at college, I quickly realised that I actually put on weight. This is because my body would think it was pretty much starving, it didn't know when it was going to ge fed again, so it stored all the bad stuff! Obviously very healthy.
The coke diet (no.1) - The "Supersize Big Mac, supersize fries, extra onion rings . . . . and a diet coke please," diet. Yeah, because those people are intelligent!
The coke diet (no.2) - I am sure advocated by some people out there. Basically involves a 30 a day habit, hanging out in trendy bars with trendy people and doing a line of coke off some skanky toilet. You get thin, but also run the risk of vomiting up a lung.
And then there's my current diet . . . .
The Nat Diet 08 - Become aware of what calories and fat are in food. Eat what I like but in moderation - I am still having curries that I love and a little bit of chocolate. Cook good food and love doing it. Get some exercise - I am walking roughly a mile a night I think.
and most imporantly - enjoy yourself.
Diets should not be a crash thing, it shouldn't be because you simply have to fit into that dress; it should be because you want to make a positive difference to your life, because it makes you happy, because it makes you healthy. It should be sustainable and become the fabric of your relationship with food. A diet is not about losing weight, its about eating right for YOUR body.
Night night,
Nx
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